On The Shelf: Tomorrow’s New Releases Revealed Today

Oct 16th, 2006 // 5 Comments

jojo.jpgIt’s another slow week for new music, with holiday releases (from the likes of Sarah McLachlan and Twisted Sister) elbowing past the 8,294th Aerosmith cash-in compilation for prime rack space at the shops. We’ve already told you about Diddy’s Press Play; after the jump, you can find out more about new releases from JoJo, Ruben Studdard, Shiny Toy Guns, and Xzibit.

JoJo, The High Road
The artist: Sixteen-year-old pop tartlet who got her start on Kids Say The Darndest Things.
The sound: Beats by Scott Storch and Timbaland, vocals by Autotune.
The first in line: Little girls with big dreams … of starring in a Robin Williams vehicle.

Ruben Studdard, The Return
The artist: The second American Idol who’s still sorry for (not having a record out since) 2004.
The sound: In theory, seductive R & B–but he starts off by calling himself the “velvet teddy bear,” and the mood gets even weirder from there.
The first in line: Ladies with deep-seated issues about what makes a man “sexy.”

Shiny Toy Guns, We Are Pilots
The artist: LA neo-wavers who made headlines when their female singer was rumored to be the “voice” of Paris Hilton.
The sound: A John Hughes soundtrack–after it’s been put into a blender for 45 minutes.
The first in line: Devotees of VH1 Classic’s The Alternative who thought She Wants Revenge was too edgy.

Xzibit, Full Circle
The artist: West Coast rapper who’s back in the spotlight thanks to his Pimp My Ride gig.
The sound: Distorted vocals, filthy lyrics and cramped beats, with guest spots by Too $hort and Kurupt.
The first in line: Hardcore West Coast rap fans, people who are really into rims.

On the CD Front [Pause and Play]

  1. King of Pants

    It’s always a hoot to watch Pimp My Ride now and see the overrehearsed, overscripted mechanics be “wacky.” I suppose there are only so many ways you can sell the same orange-and-purple-vinyl bench seat in a beat-to-shit Cressida before you need to mix it up.

    Every time I see Scott Storch’s name, I mix it with Scott Stapp and uncontrollable rage overcomes me.

  2. Serolf Divad

    Twisted Sister’s re-untied to put out… a Christmas album?! And I thought Gene Simmons was a souless, sleazy money-grubber!

    It’s a fairly genious move, though, gotta admit. As awful as it sounds (based on the Amazon previews) it’ll probably make them more money from radio royalties in the long run than the rest of their catalogue.

  3. SirLoin

    Well, his first nickname was “The Corduroy Hoagie,” but it didn’t have the same ring as “Velvet Teddy Bear.”

    And that JoJo chick isn’t even LEGAL yet? Goddamn, they are really starting to look old way too young.

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