Diana Ross Just Wants To Help

Oct 17th, 2006 // 1 Comment

So apparently the Queen of Motown wants to share her years of wisdom with the kids:

Soul legend DIANA ROSS has offered to give advice on how to enjoy a long career to superstars including BEYONCE KNOWLES, ALICIA KEYS and MARIAH CAREY. The 62-year-old has enjoyed more than 40 successful years in the music industry and is keen to pass her wisdom onto the current generation of female artists.

We’ve sent Diana a few sample questions, and in-between practicing for her next breathlyzier test, she sent along some sample responses. After the click-through, her heartwarming words of wisdom.

Dear Diana,
Any advice for maintaining your vocal chords while traveling? I find that constant plane rides and changing tempuratures do a real number on my throat.

Diana’s response:
I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Billy Dee during Mahogany: Billy, you’re fine and all, but if you keep trying to ride this caboose, I will knock you all the way back to Cloud City before George Lucas even makes that shit up.

Dear Diana,
How do you come up with lyrics? Do you keep a journal, or do you just improvise while in the studio?

Diana’s response:
David Gest’s punk lawyer called again. You tell him that if he wants that Taser back, he can come get it himself. Miss Ross does not go to the Valley on a weekend!

Dear Diana,
My manager wants twenty percent of my merchandise-sales revenue. I appreciate his help with my career, but twenty percent? That’s an awful lot! How do I say “No” without alienating him?

Diana’s response:
Do not even tell me there are no scented candles in this motherfucker. It’s right there on the rider: “Ten scented candles, two lily pads, and one grotto must be kept under the stage at room tempurature at all times.” Mohegan Sun? More like Mohegan Sonofabitch!

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