Idolator presents Chartopsy, its occasional look at albums whose shelf lives wound up being a little shorter than expected. Today, we’ll go over the sales woes felt by recent releases from Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Elton John, and Jet–and we’ll give them each a diagnosis for longer-term chart success.
Jessica Simpson, A Public Affair
Debuted At: No. 5 (9/22/06).
Current Position: No. 117.
What Happened: The Madonna-biting lead single from Public got a cool reception from radio, and Jim Farber at the New York Daily News noted that Nick Lachey’s album has lapped his ex-spouse’s sales tally. While we do think that people have grown weary of Jessica’s dumb-blonde airs, we also aren’t 100% sure anyone should cede sales victories to the former 98 Degrees mewler yet.
Condition: Critical, but stable; Public had a chart bounce this week, no doubt because Simpson is playing the self-mutilation sympathy card in her video for “I Belong To Me.”
Paris Hilton, Paris
Debuted At: No. 6 (9/1/06).
Current Position: Not on chart.
What Happened: Sure, people were going to give “Stars Are Blind” a chance on the radio, but those who actually wanted to part with their dollars for some Paris Hilton merchandise opted, by a nearly 7:1 ratio, to pick up Paris’ unauthorized porn tape, One Night In Paris–despite Paris showing up and dancing along with her record at every one of her club appearances for a month. (Hey, for her, that’s a commitment.)
Condition: Grave–unless she decides to repackage Paris with One Night.
Elton John, The Captain and The Kid
Debuted At: No. 18 (9/29/06).
Current Position: No. 116.
What Happened: Captain was Elton’s much-heralded sequel to Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy , but there was a little problem: What radio station in 2006 would be able to cram ’70s-style piano balladry into its tight format? The answer, alas, was none; even the Pussycat Dolls giving Elton a lapdance during his Fashion Rocks special couldn’t goose sales.
Condition: Critical. Perhaps he can goose his rep with the TRL set by having Justin Timberlake cameo in another one of his videos?
Jet, Shine On
Debuted At: No. 16 (10/13/06).
Current Position: No. 56.
What Happened: All the marketing tie-ins in the world couldn’t make people care about this record from the faceless, yet formerly ubiquitious, Aussie garage rockers.
Condition: DOA–and people started pissing on this album’s grave the day it came out.
The Billboard 200 [Billboard]
[Photo: Getty Images]