Kid Rock And That Weenie From Good Charlotte: Anything Newsworthy Going On With These Guys?

Nov 28th, 2006 // 5 Comments

By now, you’ve no been downwind long enough to get word of the double-dénouement lacklusterfuck involving Kid Rock, Pamela Anderson, Hilary Duff and Joel Madden; if media coverage is any indication, these four are more important than Bush’s visit to the Middle East, but still not as newsworthy as Michael Richards’ breakdown. So how will this all shake out musically? Our predictions:

- Duff will finally be abandoned by the over-reaching anti-rockists (cough) who have strained their backs trying to convince us she’s actually compelling.
- Madden will promote next spring’s new Good Charlotte album by tacking on a ska-punk version of “Tears Of A Clown.” He will then leer at every barely legal, semi-hot radio-station receptionist for approximately six months.
- In an effort to reclaim his masculinity–and prove his never-exactly-questioned patriotism–Kid Rock will sodomize a bald eagle while singing his new anthem “America The Booty-ful (United States Of A.S.S.)”
- Pam Anderson will throw a $14 vodka-cranberry at aforementioned bald eagle outside of a West Hollywood nightclub.

  1. SilentSid

    I would just like to be the first to commend you guys on taking the moral highground and not linking to those Britney Spears c-section scar photos that are all over the internet today. Good work.

  2. lucasg

    good lord, joel madden! if you are going to go the statutory rape route, make sure she’s at least fine as hell.

    that girl is 19 now, and you had been dating her for 2 and a half years? yikes.

  3. SilentSid

    P.S. They’re awesome.

  4. IvyLeagueMetalhead

    Ooh, can I play too?

    -Joel will be photographed with MisShapes’ Princess Coldstare, doing some leg-humping or face-licking or whatnot. He’ll get in a short-lived beef with Moby and will make a cameo on one of those tattoo TV shows. Hilary will follow in the tottering footsteps of La Lohan (blow, self-multilation, general career immolation), the longest-lasting effect of which will be that today’s snot-nosed kids will get their own Paris and Nicole in the form of Haylie Duff and Ali Lohan.

    -Kid Rock’s new BFF will be Tommy Lee, and Kid will be seen sucking face with Paris Hilton at some point. Pam will hook up with some laughably sensitive guy (John Mayer, or maybe fellow Canuck Bryan Adams), followed by Eminem (the Eminem stint will roughly coincide with the Kid-Paris facksuckage). She’ll finally settle in for a long-ish fling with Anthony Kiedis. Rumors linking her to Axl Rose, however, will not be able to be substantiated.

  5. bambino

    It’s more ska than ska-punk, but I remember there being a good cover of “tears of a clown” by the Beat on the “This Are 2 Tone” compilation.

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