An Idolator Parental Advisory: Take The Kids To Cookie Monster, Not To “Cookie Mountain”

What you see here is not some jokey Halloween costume, nor a clever bit of Photoshopping: It is an actual baby wearing an actual iPod onesie. Presumably because newborn infants love nothing more than to dress up as high-tech consumer goods that sometimes get lost in the dryer.

We’ve been hesitant to address the yuppie-indie-parenting semi-movement in detail, because a) it’s a relatively small segment of the population and b) we completely understand a parent’s desire to make sure their kids get to hear Abbey Road before they start worshiping the Pussycat Dolls.

But the idea of indoctrinating every tyke with “cool” music has got to stop, as an entire generation of kids is missing out on the time-honored tradition of scaring the crap out of their parents. It’s like cultural-rebellion photosynthesis: You grow up thinking your musical taste is much cooler than your parents; then you have kids, whom you set out to raise with your own cool musical choices; then one day your kid comes home wearing a Slipknot T-shirt or a JoJo locket. As one New York hardcore aficionado said years ago: “I’m going to have a daughter who worships Ani DiFranco and asks me to get her tickets to the Lilith Fair 2016 reunion tour. Which is how it should be.”

And if you think that the new wave of thirtysomething parents is going to be different–that they’re going to raise kids with both good ears and rebellious dispositions–you’re forgetting about the baby boomers. They were the ones who talked a big game about keeping their counter-cultural spirit alive in the bloodline, only to start sending in checks to the PMRC when gangsta rap came along.

The truth is, nobody’s going to raise cool kids until they cop to their own uncoolness. If all goes to plan, your eight-year-old will listen to Illinois non-stop until they’re 15, at which time they will toss it off the roof like an unwanted Go-Bot. And then, they will pick up a guitar (or, since it’s the future, a robot guitar) and start some terrible Baile-rap combo that their classmates will love. And that your grandchildren will absolutely revile.

IPod Baby Onesie [Tekserve]