We’ve been trying to get a handle on the music-blog provocateur behind Gerard Vs. Bear since we launched; on Tuesday, another music-blog needler, Chris Ott, claimed that he was Gerard, a declaration that was met with skepticism from our comment section (the fact that Ott’s mea culpa was on Nick Sylvester’s blog probably didn’t help in that department). Since then, we’ve been told by whoever’s operating Gerard’s IM these days that this “reveal” was, in fact, false, and that he’d let the world know his identity when he’s good and ready.
We have no idea if this is actually an extension of the stunt, but the statement “Gerard” issued to us explaining himself is full of accusations, ad hominems, and personal attacks–the sort of stuff that’s our lifeblood.
DEAR READERS, BLOGGERS, ASSHOLES, ETC.
In post on Nicksylvesterblog, Chris Ott (or Nickelback Sylvester self maybe?) make bold claim to be REAL Gerard.
REAL Gerard here for tell readers Nicknack and Chris Ott make lies to reader all over. Gerard make try for understand WHY LIE ABOUT BE GERARD?! WHY!? NICK AND CHRIS NOT GERARD. Gerard have few idea why lie:
IDEA #1: Chris Ott want sex with Gerard. MAYBE LONG SHOT BUT CONSIDER!
IDEA #2: Nicknack MAKE UP VILLAGE VOICE STORY WHY SAY TRUTH EVER? LIKE BOY FROM MOVIE SCIENCE OF SLEEP NOT KNOW WHAT REAL MAYBE!? Maybe not Nick fault Nick prick? BIG MAYBE.
IDEA #3: Chris Ott sad Village Voice blog column not so good. Decemberist article little good! No get down Chris! Keep try! NO GIVE UP! WINNER NO QUIT!
IDEA #4: Nick/Chris think SO funny for claim be PERSON Nick/Chris NOT. BOYS, LYING NOT FUNNY. Go make up story about dating in big city and WATCH OUT FOR DECEMBERIST FAN!
OTHER THEORY WELCOME!!
BUT POINT OF MAKE LETTER FOR READER TO KNOW GERARD NOT CHRIS OTT. NOT NICK SYLVESTER. CHRISNICK NOT FUNNY. GERARD FUNNY. EASY FOR TELL! GERARD NO MAKE LIES. CHRISNICK MAKE LIES!
THANK FOR TIME!
PS: Nick, are you ashamed for make false story in Village Voice and be total hack? Gerard always make wonder. Gerard would make ashamed face if Gerard GIANT LIAR.
So that’s that. We’ll keep reading his site, but we have no idea who Gerard is, and we’re not going to play “Am I Ott Or Not?” anymore. This is not Newsday, Gerard’s not the Son of Sam, and we sure as hell ain’t Jimmy Breslin.