Sending The EMS To EMI: Which Bands Will Survive The Shake-Up?

capitol.jpgYesterday, EMI announced that it was merging Capitol Records and Virgin Records into the newly formed Capitol Music Group, which sounds like the name of a bank that doesn’t have a lot of money, and that plays Corrine Bailey Rae non-stop in the lobby. But what does this mean for all the low-on-the-totem-pole Cap-Virg artists? Our guesses after the click-through.

DISTRESSING DATA: His two albums earned him a following among neo-soul nerds, but he can’t get a single to connect with listeners–though he did get a Grammy nomination for his “Family Affair” jam with Joss Stone and John Legend.
ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL This guy’s going to break eventually; for now, that Grammy nod may save him. 8-1

DISTRESSING DATA: Part of the post-Coldplay British-band blitz, Doves have yet to manage a gold record in the states, despite some extensive touring and moderate radio love.
ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: We’re guessing the band’s strength (and connections) in the U.K. will keep them afloat for at least one more record. 6-1

DISTRESSING DATA Congratulations, guys! You finally signed a major-label deal! Too bad that Andy Slater, the guy who championed you, was sent packing.
ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: The new bosses would be crazy to let them go. And besides, would you want to get on the bad side of Carlos D during one of his pissy text-messaging sprees? 3-1

DISTRESSING DATA: They are a terrible, terrible band, but we’ll miss making fun of them.
ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: Considering how screwy everything is nowadays, these guys will probably get a six-album deal and an opening slot on McCartney’s next tour, while everyone else on this list languishes. EVEN

  • Ned Raggett

    would you want to get on the bad side of Carlos D during one of his pissy text-messaging sprees?

    I seem to have missed this part of his personality. I just hear about the goth DJing and the h****s.

  • beta.rogan

    With a name like Morningwood, I don’t care if they were the best band in the world, I would never, ever like them. I think people sometimes might missunderestimate how rockingly awesome a band name needs to be…stop trying to be clever and just be awesome.

    I do hope the Interpol don’t encounter any delays with their new CD…I’ve been looking forward to that one….

  • samuraiphotog

    IJDG why (most) people aren’t all over Van Hunt.

  • johndavidson

    Grammy winner Shelby Lynne has been a total failure.

    Liz Phair’s last record tanked (and her “breakout” record didn’t come close to recouping) and she will get dropped too.

  • Maura Johnston

    I completely forgot about Liz Phair, probably because my mind excised all memory of “Somebody’s Miracle” from itself. Uggh.

  • Mike Barthel

    They should keep her but force her to do an album with Trent Reznor and Ja Rule.

  • mreasy

    What about The Decemberists? There’s already talk of them getting dropped, as Capitol consider ‘The Crane Wife’ to have been “a colossal failure.”

  • 30f
  • 30f

    While this post does have the cool band-dropping speculation (I say everyone but Coldplay is muerte) – my post has better photos.

  • Jupiter8

    Hey are the Dandy Warhols still around? Or have they lost all the goodwill that ringtone got them?

  • dollywould

    Robbie Williams is screwed.

  • Anonymous

    The best thing about Morningwood is Chantal Claret. Hottest thing on two legs IMHO.
    I’ve got a soft spot for Doves.

  • Ebbywebby

    I wonder about the eternally underrated Supergrass — or were they dropped already?