The Capitol Gang: More Potentially Problematic Major-Label Artists


Earlier today, we laid down the odds on which artists will survive the Capitol-Virgin merger. Inspired by some reader comments, we took another look at the labels’ crowded rosters, and we’ve come up with even more speculative guesses.

CHINGYDISTRESSING DATA: Last year’s Hoodstar was the worst-selling album of his career, just missing the one-million mark (at least according to these Soundscan stats on his Wiki page).ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: He seems like a nice enough young man. Why not? 4-1

THE DANDY WARHOLSDISTRESSING DATA: Anecdotal evidence suggests that the band’s 2005 album Odditorium or Warlords of Mars sold fewer than two copies.ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: In order to stay on a label, somebody’s got to really like you, yeah, they got to really like you. 30-1

LIZ PHAIRDISTRESSING DATA: Her fanbase is split between old fans who believe she sold her soul to the devil, and new fans who think she’s Avril Lavgine’s mom. Either way, neither group is buying her records.ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: Please. 50-1

D’ANGELODISTRESSING DATA: His last album was released seven years ago, and recent photos suggest he won’t be able to charm his way into the label’s good graces by parading around shirtless.ODDS OF SURVIVING ON LABEL: They won’t even know how to find him. EVEN