Idolator’s American Idolatry: What We Learned From The Clip Show

Feb 8th, 2007 // 4 Comments

Last night’s episode of American Idol was a run-up-the-ratings “best of” show structured around “lessons” for Idol hopefuls. In the spirit of that theme–and because we can’t grade Paula on her slurred speech and hiding under the table–we’re going to take a similar tack. After the jump, five lessons we gleaned from watching last night’s odds-and-sods collection.

1. If you’re going to dress like a cracked-out flapper, like Krista Fazzino (above) did, at least take the time to find a strand of fake pearls.

2. No matter how squeaky-clean you present yourself–say, as a carhop on rollerskates–someone’s going to dig up the dirt about the time you played touch football in your skivvies for cash.

3. Beatboxing may not get you through to the Hollywood round, but it will get you name-checked. Doing the worm, however, will earn you nothing but three anonymous seconds of ridicule.

4. On a similar note: Don’t be too exuberant after your win, or your audition footage may be bypassed in favor of repeated shots of you celebrating. Case in point: Does anyone even know the name of the young lady who was shown splashing around the fountain after being given her golden ticket? We’ve seen her about five times, but all we remember is that her shirt actually had the Internet-ready phrase “ur Idol” on it.

5. It doesn’t matter how much material from the previous seven audition episodes you recycle. People are still going to tune in by the boatload, and they may even sit through Bones.

American Idol []
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives

  1. Paul D


    Bones is a great show.

    Far superior to American Karaoke in every conceivable way.

  2. brasstax

    Yeah, I could probably watch Bones if people weren’t calling the lead character “Bones” every 16 seconds. She’s got a real name, right?

  3. cerulgalactus

    Her name is Bonesy McBonesington.

  4. AcidReign

    …..I was just pleased that when my hometown was featured, all of the idiots and tone-deaf applicants were from other cities. That, and that the show did edit out all the machine-gun bursts you can hear from the Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center’s location. Bad, BAD neighborhood! The local Meth Lord was recently sent to his Summmer Palace (prison) in Atmore, and everyone wants a piece… While all the press is fuming over crime in rebuilding New Orleans, we Rednekersons in B’ham are outdoing the Crescent City’s per capita murder rate! Woooooo!

    …..You know what’s cool about all of the Birmingham Idol winners like Reuben and Taylor? That they can actually make a living doing something besides music. Because NO ONE in this place makes a living playing music. A $10 cover will quickly turn folks away to the upside-down Plaza and the hundred millionth rendition of “Louie-Louie” on the jukebox!

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