The Trajectory: Plotting The PLUG Awards

As you might have heard, the annual Plug Awards–a not-at-all-unnecessary event in which indie types celebrate other, indier types–will be held tomorrow night in New York City. We’re going, mostly because we have to, and because we’ve always wondered what it would be like to lose an award in public. But how will the night shake out for everyone else? After the click-through, our predictions.

8:02 P.M. – Host David Cross opens with a series of daring jokes about religion and George Bush.

8:27 P.M. – Joanna Newsom leaves after her backstage-rider demands for “3 Evian bottles, 6 towels, and three horned troll princesses” are not met by promoters.

8:53 P.M. – In the first upset of the night, the rap-confused voting body rewards the Black Angels with the Hip-Hop Album Of The Year award.

9:12 P.M. – While accepting the Best Music Blog award, BrooklynVegan is upstaged by Scott Stereogum, who re-enacts Suge Knight’s 1995 Source Awards tirade in full.

9:46 P.M. – Cross pauses mid-show to deliver a series of daring jokes about religion and George Bush.

10:12 P.M. The Jicks act like Jercks.

10:40 P.M. Christine Lahti rushes back from the bathroom in time to present the Best College/Non-Comm Radio Station Of The Year award.

11:02 P.M. – The nominees are read aloud for Female Arist Of The Year, and after hearing names like “Cat Power,” “Jenny Lewis,” and “Neko Case” in quick succession, the crush-prone audience members let out a collective sigh so loud, it sets off the fire alarm. As the crowd rushes for the exit, Cross takes to the stage to call for order, and to deliver a series of daring jokes about religion and George Bush.