Rock And Roll Road-Tripping Just Got A Whole Lot Easier, Stupider

Someone over at the Chicago Reader must have done a power search for the terms “emo” and “big black monster,” because they tracked down this rather amazing eBay item: A 2005 Ford F-550 Crew Cab Powerstroke that doubles as a full-service concert stage. Previously owned by Warped Tour act the Picket Line, the “Big Black Monster” is described as the “ultimate rock band tour truck/van,” but it sounds more like the ultimate drunken-fratboy pranking device:

I designed and own the truck and I am selling it to who ever wishes to get instant rock fame with this truck. The truck is designed as a ambush style rock concert. When you roll up in the truck and in less then 15 seconds you can rock out a crowd with 20,000 watts of live music and 20 seconds to break down and leave the scene of the crash. It comes as a fully self-contained rock concert with everything a band can ask for…[Ed. note: We’re not even going to try and list all this equipment, as we have no idea what it does, but there is a fog machine involved]. This is the real deal for instant rock fame…

One can only imagine what it would be like to load this thing up with a five-piece band, park it at every random event imaginable (state-department funerals, NA meetings), and continually play Smash Mouth’s “All Star” until being put down by police sniper fire. That’s the dream.

Four wheels, 12,634 miles, and 20,000 watts [Chicago Reader] 2005 Ford [eBay]