Avril Lavigne Prepares To Aim Middle Finger At “Village Voice” Writer

Feb 20th, 2007 // 7 Comments

We don’t expect New Times NYC the Village Voice to take the antics of Canadian eyeliner fiend Avril Lavigne seriously, but that didn’t stop us from being left dumbstruck by Garrett Kamps’ review of Lavigne’s new single, which reaches crit-dickery levels that we haven’t seen in at least a few weeks. The review in full:

Holy shit. Actually, think about those two words for a second: holy shit. Sacred, profane, magnanimous pointlessness. What a concept! This song is like a Zen Buddhist koan. A Zen Buddhist koan that sounds like the Go-Go’s and features the line, “She’s, like, so whatever.” Big-budget production is getting so awesome these days. Five years from now, sound will be so loud, sharp, and dangerous we’ll just drop boomboxes playing this stuff onto Tehran. “Girlfriend” is produced by Dr. Luke. I mean, this tune is produced by a guy who calls himself “Dr. Luke”! (He has a PhD in jammers; herpetology didn’t stick.) Dr. Luke is who you’d get if you made Rick Rubin shave his beard, pop Paxil, and fly around in a jet pack wearing a Lycra jumpsuit. Dr. Luke raped me.

There’s so much edge in that paragraph, we thought we were going to get cut–a meditation on the koan-like properties of the phrase “holy shit” (so out-there!) and a self-directed rape joke (provocative!)? It even manages to wrangle the words “awesome,” “Rick Rubin,” and “Tehran” in there, which is like whoa. We can’t wait for Kamps’ next singles-column installment; we’re just wondering if he’s going to shoehorn his inevitable goatse.cx reference into his defense of Katharine McPhee or his pillorying of the Arcade Fire.

Pop Music Of The Future [Village Voice]
[Image via Hedonistica]

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  1. katesilver

    “Dr. Luke raped me” is a take on Sarah Silverman in The Aristocrats, non?

  2. millwhistle

    If a crit-dickish record review falls in a forest, does it make a sound? What if the forest is then pulped to make paper so New Times NYC can print more crit-dickery?

  3. radiofree

    Which paper is that? The Village what? It reminds of a paper that used to matter that published out of mice infested offices somewhere downtown. Then they moved to shiny headquarters across from Cooper Union, and little by little, over a period of years, gave away their soul.

    Yes, I remember that paper. With RJ Smith, and Chuck Eddy, and this guy named Christgau or something weird like that. Oh yeah, they wrote about politics, too. Oh well.

    Doesn’t matter any more.

  4. KeBove

    So, like, does he like the song or not?

  5. Come a little Miroslav Klose You're My Kind of Man

    “Dr. Luke” is just Luther Campbell. All that time away from music — and publishing! — was spent getting his Ph.d.

    If I were Derrick Whibley, that said, I’d be worried for my marriage. Avril has got that jungle fever.

  6. rchick

    yet still more interesting than RS’s neutered 3-star show.

  7. ringaling

    Seems like someone who posted this was been looking over the shoulder of alt weekly deathwatch
    Also, “crit-dickery”?

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