Idolator’s American Idolatry: Our TiVo Has Its Revenge

Feb 21st, 2007 // 13 Comments

idol0221.jpgPerhaps angered by the thought of missing last night’s Veronica Mars because of a two-hour guys-only American Idol episode, our TV setup went on the blink last night, resulting in us catching the final 22 minutes–and nothing more–of last night’s installment. What we did see: AJ Tabaldo’s excited take on Luther Vandross’ “Never Too Much,” Phil Stacey’s almost lighter-worthy performance of Edwin McCain’s “I Could Not Ask For More,” and the show-closing montage of the evening’s performances. In honor of those 30-second snippets, we’re going to show you the first words that came to our mind upon hearing each performer’s song; the rundown, along with a few other thoughts on the evening, comes after the jump.

(This is a one-time blip, we promise. Next week, we’ll reassure our TiVo with the knowledge that we can catch up on the happenings in Neptune pretty easily.)
Rudy: Barky.
Brandon: Shaky.
Sundance: Meat Loaf.
Paul: Barefoot karaoke (ew).
Chris Richardson: Wobbly.
Nick: Sincere.
Blake: Soporific.
Sanjaya: Awwwww.
Chris Sligh: Um, atonal?
Jared: Smoothed out.
AJ: Jazz hands!
Phil: Daughtry.

SUNDANCEWATCH, WEEK ONE: The snippet we heard of his Loaflike “Nights In White Satin” was more than enough to confirm our suspicions that we wanted him to go home as soon as possible (okay, really, we decided after the “bodyguard” crack last week), but the shaky performances by Brandon and Chris mean that he’ll probably stick around until at least next week

THE BALLOT BOX IN OUR HEARTS WAS STUFFED WITH THESE NAMES: Phil, whose humility, even after being tapped with the best-of-the-night wand by Randy, stayed intact; Sanjaya, whose adorable quotient gets higher and higher by the second.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: Incomplete, although we’d be remiss if we didn’t note that her dancing during AJ’s performance was a far, far cry from the footwork she showed off when paired up with MC Skat Kat.

Tomorrow: The final 12 ladies perform! Here’s hoping Antonella Barba isn’t forced to resort to drastic attention-getting measures.

American Idol []
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives

  1. chrisb

    Man, you guys missed the most exciting moment in this season’s AI thus far! It’s probably on YouTube, but here’s what happened…

    Following Chris Sligh’s performance, Simon gave him a good bashing. But Ryan Seacrest interrupted his ranting, which prompted Simon to call Seacrest “sweetheart.” And Seacrest had a minor meltdown. This led to Simon cowering behind his desk and uttering “You’re making this very difficult” or something like that. It was so awkward you could feel the tension eminating from the television set.

    I hope they kissed and made up later.

  2. Rory B. Bellows

    The “you made this awkward” comment from Simon was in response to Sligh’s statement that the audience seemed to be digging his performance and the music he choose is fairly popular nowadays, and that he’s not going to sing like “Il Divo or the Teletubbies.” Both being Simon Cowell creations I believe.

    Sligh dissed Cowell’s bread and butter and Simon got pissy.

  3. Chris Molanphy

    chrisb is right about the Sligh-Seacrest-Cowell contratemps being the highlight but only tells half the story. It all started when Simon dissed Sligh (the one time all night I think Cowell got it wrong; otherwise he was a nasty beacon of truth), and Sligh got off one of the best Cowell disses ever: “Just because I don’t sing like Il Divo or the Teletubbies….” Oh, SNAP! Cowell’s face turned ashen, and his annoyance was not the trademark playful exasperation — he was pissed. Which led to Seacrest lunging in with a What do you say to that?!, which led to Simon’s “You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be,” or some-such.

    Seriously, it was priceless. And even though I think Simon was right-on 90% of the time last night, Sligh has officially become my favorite guy in the competition. (For crissakes, he did a song by Mute Math! Is that the first Idol post-rock performance?!)

    Sundance, by the way, is not going to sneak by this week. He’s toast. The audience clapped only politely, and when Randy et al. started trashing him, NO ONE booed. Not even his parents.

  4. Maura Johnston

    i like sligh, but a resident of the staind-fan glass house should not be throwing stones at the teletubbies (who make for fine hangover-recuperation entertainment)

  5. chrisb

    Simon Cowell produced the Teletubbies?! Well, Sligh’s comment makes sense now. It’s the drama that keeps on giving!

  6. JedTheMime

    Simon’s comeback to Sligh was funnier, nastier and quicker than Chris’ crack, which Chris has obviously been rehearsing in his head since before Hollywood Week.

    If Seacrest were half that clever, he wouldn’t have to resort to gay jokes for laughs and thus, there wouldn’t be so much tension between him and Simon in the first place.

  7. King of Pants

    Chris Sligh looked like a dumpy woman last night. That is all.

  8. Hallux Valgus

    It seemed to me like the judges spent a lot of time comparing the contestants’ versions to the original songs. That was a bad thing for Chris, since I’m pretty positive that none of them has even heard of Mute Math (although I disagree that they could be considered even remotely popular). I thought he did a good job. Sundance, on the other hand… eesh

  9. janine

    @JedTheMime: Didn’t Simon just make some sort of fat joke along the line of “You could be a Teletubbie?” Fat jokes aren’t clever, just ask Eddie Murphy’s Oscar hopes.

  10. MC

    Idolator–it’s one thing to post one word responses based on the 7 seconds you heard due to a tivo mishap. Leave it at that and it’s a blogorific snarky Gawker good time.

    But to extrapolate on who’s toast from those 7 seconds is just plain stupid. Brandon may have sounded shaky, but it was clear to anyone with ears that he has a better voice than most of the 12. And Chris Richardson was anything but wobbly. They stay.

    Meatloaf Head and Nick Pedro are toast.

  11. Hamm Beerger

    JedTheMime – Simon is neither funny, nasty, or quick… Sligh cut him to the bone. I didn’t realize anyone was still fooled by the accent.

    BTW, everyone who things Sundance is gone? He should be, but he just got (rightfully) endorsed by Vote for the Worst, so (according to DialIdol he’s in the LEAD this week.

  12. JedTheMime

    @janine: Ask Norbit’s box office instead and you’ll see how most of America feels about fat jokes. I never said Simon’s crack was nice, but he was responding to Sligh’s low blow, and using Chris’ own crack against him definitely qualifies as clever in my book.

    Sligh should’ve saved his little zinger for a time when Simon really deserved it and he might’ve come off looking better.

    JTS-CO: You can say the crack wasn’t funny, but it was definitely nasty and quick. And for my money, he out-nastied and definitely out-sped Sligh, so I give him the edge in this battle (and look forward to their next one).

  13. Hamm Beerger

    @JedTheMime: How was Sligh’s joke a low blow? Simon produced the Teletubbies album not that long ago, and that Il Divo crap just came out last year.

    And calling someone fat… that’s so much more clever and classier than gay jokes.

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