“Hey, Asshole!”: Attack Of The Jerry Lee Losers

Brian Raftery | February 23, 2007 10:54 am

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It’s been a long time since we had any submissions for “Hey, Asshole!”, our crowd-controlling feature in which readers report egregious concert-going behavior. So if you happen to witness obnoxious audience members in their natural habitat, send along your stories or pictures to asshole@idolator.com. In the meantime, commenter Stevie sent in the following “Hey, Asshole!” field report about a Jerry Lee Lewis show gone awry. A choice excerpt:

Between each song, the drunks behind me loudly yelled, “PLAY SOMETHING GOOD!” and “YOU CAN DO BETTER JERRY LEE!” After “Memphis,” one yelled, “PLAY SOMETHING BY WHITE PEOPLE!” When he moved into his country songs, they started yelling, “WHY CAN’T YOU PLAY SOMETHING GOOD?”

After the click-through, a tale of drunken dumbwittery that will make you forever hate white people–or any people, really. And please note that the above picture of Lewis is not from this particular gig–but we’re pretty sure his facial expression remains unchanged at this point.

So my husband has a fixation on Jerry Lee Lewis and also seeing old rock icons before they die; unfortunately for me, the only US date on Jerry Lee’s schedule this year so far was at a casino in French Lick, Indiana, a bustling metropolis about an hour north of Louisville, Kentucky. So we drove down for the weekend (we live in Chicago) and arrived just in time for the show on Saturday night.

The show is in a large ballroom that I would imagine is typically used for either the wedding of the daughter of French Lick’s mayor or a visit from Tony Robbins — a raised stage up in front and then rows and rows of straight-backed chairs (that ordinarily would be placed around ten-seat tables) placed edge-to-edge from each other. Behind us sits is a fellow in a straw hat and a Hawaiian shirt, obviously taking a break from Margaritaville, drinking something pink from a plastic cup. His buddy wears a fringed, beige leather jacket, Wranglers, and an Indiana Colts stocking cap, pulled down to the sunglasses covering his eyes (yep, sunglasses at night. In a ballroom. In a casino). He is on what I would imagine is his seventeenth Bud Light.

The show starts with Jerry Lee’s band playing without The Killer (he was late since his flight was diverted from Bloomington to Evansville) and while it was all a lot of filler, it was just a couple songs, and for that reason alone, it was better than most opening acts. This did not go over so well with the men behind us.

“Where’s the Killer?” one slurred.

“I dont’ know, but this is bullshit.” The second one said. “This is second-rate bullshit. Let’s go get a drink.”

“I don’t want to listen to this shit.”

“This is second-rate bullshit; let’s just get a drink.”

Thirty seconds later, it was upgraded to third-rate bullshit, and they were about to go get drinks when Jerry Lee hobbled onto the stage, sat down at the piano, and broke into “Roll Over Beethoven,” followed by “Over the Rainbow,” “Sweet Little Sixteen,” and “Memphis.”

Between each song, the drunks behind me loudly yelled, “PLAY SOMETHING GOOD!” and “YOU CAN DO BETTER JERRY LEE!” After “Memphis,” one yelled, “PLAY SOMETHING BY WHITE PEOPLE!” When he moved into his country songs, they started yelling, “WHY CAN’T YOU PLAY SOMETHING GOOD?”

At this point, they decide what they need to do is go up to the front and start dancing. The one in the fringed jacket starts (who dances like Snoopy) pointing at Jerry Lee, who points back at him. Two security guards come out and escort them to the side of the stage, which, very un-rock-and-roll like, was the approved dancing area. The one in the fringe jacket keeps running out to the center to dance, and eventually is escorted back to our area. The one in the straw hat, however, gets involved in a fight over on the side, which only ends when someone is hit over the head with a beer bottle. Later, we saw the one in the straw hat being interviewed by police while the guy who got hit with the bottle was taken out on a stretcher.

Finally, we went to get our coats to try and find some food, and we see the guy in the fringe jacket alone, trying to sneak a beer into the alcohol-free casino.

Bear in mind, besides us, most of the audience was little old ladies.