Hard-Hitting News Investigation Proves That Emo Is Dangerous

It’s official: As far as alarm-sounding youth movements go, emo is the new goth. At least that’s what we learned from this North Dakota news broadcast, in which a concerned local sheriff warns of the dangers of “dressing emo,” an activity that apparently leads to cutting, crying, and talking to a television reporter with Fall Out Boy playing the background. If this thing is real–and it looks like it is–it’s a bittersweet reminder of what it was like to grow up in the ’80s and early ’90s, a time when instead of worrying about terrorism or guns, your biggest fear was that you’d be confronted with clueless, over-reactive grown-ups who didn’t realize that something like “the Emo Emu” is obviously a joke.

I Must Be Emo- News Report [YouTube, via Matablog]

  • KurticusMaximus

    I honestly don’t know what is most frightening about this report.

  • NickEddy

    Wait til the 5-0 see the between video segments of “Hulmerist.”

  • KeBove

    Only in the midwest.

  • dollywould

    Uh oh. I drink coffee and wear sweaters. Does that mean I’m emo? I can’t take a sheriff in a baseball cap seriously.

  • Poubelle

    I’m gonna have to go with Will Smith on this one: Parents just don’t understand. And neither do sherriffs or news reporters, apperently.

  • Kate Richardson

    1) Love the girl who says that emo kids experience some sort of special kind of pain that mere non-emo kids don’t have the capacity to feel.

    2) Props to the deputy Maygra for unlocking the symbolism of the asymmetrical haircut. But pray tell, officer, what exactly is the point of only seeing the world “in half view”?

  • The Mozfather

    They should have interviewed Tipper Gore. I’m sure she’d have some wise words of warning about the dangers of emo.

  • mirrorball

    Lacey Crisp? Isn’t that a stripper’s name?

  • mike a

    You forgot one other teenage hazard: being identified as an easy mark for bullies. Which is certainly a danger of being “emo” in many high schools, I’d imagine.

  • Maura Johnston

    i can’t believe the last name of the second girl interviewed is “wentz” — and that she seems to be legit, if google’s any indication.

  • Tenno

    I suppose the real irony here is all the sites they are ‘sourcing’ are joke sites. I mean, what does North Dakota think about “National Punch an Emo Kid in the Face Day’? Aren’t they worries about the special kind of pain only emo kids can feel when they get punched in the face? And by that, shouldn’t they worry that as a minority culture, angst ridden of course, they get picked on by the other kid tribes?


  • caffeinecasualty

    I think the easiest way to nip this thing in the bud would be to stage a weblog burning in the town square.

  • rinjonjori

    e-mail the girl lcrisp@wdaz.com

    she is a moran

  • Jon W

    Is this 2002? WTF

  • Jon W

    Is this 1985?!?!?!?

  • Quine

    Emos aren’t people! They’re almost entirely middle class kids in suburbs who suck at rebelling properly. Someone needs to smack them.

  • The Walking Eye

    At least when I was emo growing up we had actual great music and not pop bands like FoB.

  • britneyspearstears

    Absolutely hilarious!

  • britneyspearstears

    Absolutely Hilarious!

  • yourfriendandneighbor

    Emo is short for emotional? I’m getting old.