Idolator’s American Idolatry: Tears, Self-Doubt, And Shaken Faith

noah | March 2, 2007 12:10 pm
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What a doozy of an episode last night, right? It started off with Sundance Head belting out the opening lines of Three Dog Night’s “Joy To The World” (talk about Love Boat-worthy entertainment!) and only got weirder from there, with one eliminated contestant foregoing her swan song to sob and another one using her final minutes on the show to berate herself for not realizing that America hates jazz.

And then there was Kellie Pickler.

WHO’S OUT: In chronological order: Nick, Alaina, A.J., and Leslie. In order of post-elimination awkwardness: Alaina, A.J., Leslie, and Nick. And here’s why: Alaina’s encore performance of “Not Ready To Make Nice” was ditched because her tears made it impossible to sing; A.J., when asked if he was surprised that he, and not Sanjaya, had been eliminated, said “sure” with about as much sincerity as a White House spokesman; Leslie used the scatting portion of her song to berate herself for forgetting that America is a nation of jazz-haters.

WHO’S (INEXPLICABLY) IN): Antonella, thanks to the “vote for the hot girl” bloc. Sanjaya, thanks to the “awww, that hat!” bloc. Sundance, thanks to … well, who knows. But apparently, the producers have decided that they need Sundance around, because every time someone opened up the waterworks, they cut to him sniffling away while, no doubt, thinking about what song from The Commitments he was going to rip off next week.

THE DOWNSIDE OF LOSING: Kellie Pickler stopped by served as a sort of cautionary tale to future Idol also-rans, with her bad peroxide-job hairdo, out-of-control eye shadow, absolutely atrocious dress (who knew that turquoise could be headache-inducing?), and seemingly inflatable chest. (Kellie claimed she spent her Idol money on “shoes,” but we’re pretty sure those don’t come in size 36DD.)

WHY DOES SIMON HATE AMERICA? WAIT, ACTUALLY, WE KNOW: When asked if he was surprised about who had been voted off, Simon shrugged and said, “This is American Idol, isn’t it?” Which made us worried about next week’s eliminations; then, the possibility of a Sanjaya-Antonella-Sundance-Melinda final four in which Melinda’s the first one to get the boot floated into our mind, and made us shudder.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: Incomplete–thanks to something triggering the seven-second delay on the East Coast, we never got to hear Paula’s final words to Alaina, which looked as if they were both heartfelt and off-the-charts crazy. However, we do have to ask: Was she sitting on an exercise ball instead of a chair last night? Because there were more than a few moments where she looked as if she was about to tip over, or start doing some situps.

American Idol [americanidol.com] Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives [Photo via Reality TV Magazine]