Idolator’s American Idolatry: An Imperfect Dozen

Mar 9th, 2007 // 10 Comments

aijudges_shocked.jpgLast night’s American Idol elimination episode featured the departure of our two favorite targets, the announcement of an Idol charity program, and an annoyed-looking Carrie Underwood. It also had one really odd moment in which the judges got surprised–and indignantly so!–at one elimination that we’d been expecting since Hollywood week.

WHO’S OUT: In order: Jared, Antonella, Sabrina, and Sundance. No real surprises there from our viewpoint, although we wish Sabrina had made it through.

WHO’S (INEXPLICABLY) IN): Haley, whose besting of Sabrina made Paula’s jaw drop and made Randy say that “America got that one wrong.” (To be honest, though, Haley’s victory isn’t that out-of-left-field, since her song choices and sartorial picks appeal to the “kicky divorcee” crowd that’s no doubt watching Idol while swilling chardonnay from a box after work.) Phil, who really doesn’t have a better voice than Jared, and who is slowly morphing into Daniel Powter.

WHO DOESN’T HAVE THEIR HEAD ON STRAIGHT: The judges, who were speechless when Sundance–Sundance!!–didn’t make it to the final 12, even going so far as to call him “one of our finest.” What? Sure, he was pushed out while the wispy-voiced Sanjaya advanced, but how could they have forgotten that in America, cute always wins out over Brillo-chinned and smarmy?

WHO’S CRYING: So many tears tonight! Phil cried because he made it. Everyone cried when they came to the realization that they’d have to sit through Sundance’s version of “Jeremy” again. And Antonella was breaking down from the show’s first minute, no doubt because she knew that a career in straight-to-DVD flasher flicks was inevitable. Her tears almost made us feel bad for her, but then she started singing “Put Your Records On” again, and any feelings of goodwill we had evaporated.

WHO’S HELPING: Last night’s “big announcement” was about American Idol‘s charity program, which will involve companies donating money for each vote cast on April 24, a Quincy Jones-penned charity track, and a celebrity-studded telethon on April 25. Although we have to ask: Is having Borat as one of the telethon’s guests really the best idea? We’re already cringing at the thought of how Idol‘s big moment of saving the world is going to get punked.

WHO’S SELFISHLY EXCITED ABOUT THE CHARITY SHOW: Chris Sligh. The April 24 show’s theme will be “inspirational songs”; given that he’s already performed Mute Math and DC Talk songs, we have no doubt that he’ll try and crate-dig through the Tooth and Nail vaults as a way to show off his mad Christian-rock skills.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: Incomplete. Honestly, the surprise expressed by the judges after Sundance’s elimination made us wonder if all three of them were on something.

Next week: The top 12 go head-to-head! Diana Ross! And a guest Idol recapper!

American Idol []
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives
[Photo via Reality TV Magazine]

  1. Hallux Valgus

    I voted for Phil Stacy solely on the power of his wacky hats. that said- if next week’s doesn’t at least have a feather in it, I’m going to be pissed.

    And the moment for me was the shot of Sanjaya looking mortified while the judges talked about how Sundance should have advanced. Also- I’m pretty sure Sanjay’s mic was turned off during the group performance. That hardly seems like a coincidence.

  2. MC

    I knew from the beginning that America was not going to put through 4 black divas into the top 12. I’ve been telling that to my wife (herself a black diva) for weeks. And out of the 4 of them, I guess Sabrina was the weakest.

    Still, I am not voting until something changes my mind that someone other than Melinda or LaKisha has a shot. Otherwise, why waste time on a forgone conclusion?

  3. Chris Molanphy

    To be honest, though, Haley’s victory isn’t that out-of-left-field, since her song choices and sartorial picks appeal to the “kicky divorcee” crowd that’s no doubt watching Idol while swilling chardonnay from a box after work.

    I say it’s the red-state “Claymate” types who are voting her through. The kind who comes to New York City just to see Beauty and the Beast. That girl’s got a Disney Cruise Lines career in her future.

    Remember all that relatively nice stuff I was saying about Paula? Yeah, I take that all back. “One of our finest”?!! Yeah, to sing a grunge version of “Rush, Rush” maybe…

  4. MC

    Oh, I’ve got two words for anyone shocked by Sanjaya’s top 12 entry (including the 3 judges):

    Kevin Covais

    With the pre-teen girls/post-divorce moms/ voting block wrapped up, be prepared for a lot more Sanjaya.

  5. Hallux Valgus

    I thought Sabrina was better when she was Hoopz on Flavor of Love anyway

  6. Bob Loblaw

    BTW, the byline on that Antonella-BuddyTV link?

    “Kris de Leon.”

    I have a feeling that she’s going to have some amazing M-list celebrity staying power. She’s got enough delusion and enough ambition to never, ever, ever go away.

  7. Hamm Beerger

    I’m pretty sure that Simon’s shock wasn’t at Sundance getting booted, but was surprise at Paula praising him and Sunjaya making it through.

  8. bambino

    Sabrina looked bout ready to slap Haley upside her head.

  9. OutsideToilet

    Sabrina looked like the girl from the pharmacy who goes clubbing on a Friday night and dances around her handbag. And Jared was the guy who tries to take her home at the end of the evening, only to discover that she never has sex when the decorators are in.
    They will be missed about as much as Ryan Starr.
    Antonella, if she wants to save herself, should immediately announce that she’s dating Sanjaya. Unfortunately, she will instead choose to be Connecticut’s answer to Paris Hilton. Antonella Holiday-Inn: an American Tragedy.

  10. KimPossible

    Phil needs to start rockin’ that bald noggin of his and stop covering it up with bad hats. Honestly, if you’re going to be bald, BE BALD AND PROUD!

    I expected Antonella to lift her shirt and show us a URL. My (completely futile) prayer is that we’ve seen and heard the last of her, but I fear that the Dark Age of Antonella will continue to torment us.

    I wonder if the judges ever look at the male contestants and feel shame? I think the two nights in April to “give back” to the children of Africa and the USA are their way of trying to repay us for the hours we’ve been subjected to the likes of Sanjaya and Sundance. I think they got a head start on the campaign by showing us the cute orphans – surely there was a celebrity watching who will swoop in to adopt one.

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