Idolator’s American Idolatry: An Imperfect Dozen

noah | March 9, 2007 12:26 pm
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Last night’s American Idol elimination episode featured the departure of our two favorite targets, the announcement of an Idol charity program, and an annoyed-looking Carrie Underwood. It also had one really odd moment in which the judges got surprised–and indignantly so!–at one elimination that we’d been expecting since Hollywood week.

WHO’S OUT: In order: Jared, Antonella, Sabrina, and Sundance. No real surprises there from our viewpoint, although we wish Sabrina had made it through.

WHO’S (INEXPLICABLY) IN): Haley, whose besting of Sabrina made Paula’s jaw drop and made Randy say that “America got that one wrong.” (To be honest, though, Haley’s victory isn’t that out-of-left-field, since her song choices and sartorial picks appeal to the “kicky divorcee” crowd that’s no doubt watching Idol while swilling chardonnay from a box after work.) Phil, who really doesn’t have a better voice than Jared, and who is slowly morphing into Daniel Powter.

WHO DOESN’T HAVE THEIR HEAD ON STRAIGHT: The judges, who were speechless when Sundance–Sundance!!–didn’t make it to the final 12, even going so far as to call him “one of our finest.” What? Sure, he was pushed out while the wispy-voiced Sanjaya advanced, but how could they have forgotten that in America, cute always wins out over Brillo-chinned and smarmy?

WHO’S CRYING: So many tears tonight! Phil cried because he made it. Everyone cried when they came to the realization that they’d have to sit through Sundance’s version of “Jeremy” again. And Antonella was breaking down from the show’s first minute, no doubt because she knew that a career in straight-to-DVD flasher flicks was inevitable. Her tears almost made us feel bad for her, but then she started singing “Put Your Records On” again, and any feelings of goodwill we had evaporated.

WHO’S HELPING: Last night’s “big announcement” was about American Idol‘s charity program, which will involve companies donating money for each vote cast on April 24, a Quincy Jones-penned charity track, and a celebrity-studded telethon on April 25. Although we have to ask: Is having Borat as one of the telethon’s guests really the best idea? We’re already cringing at the thought of how Idol‘s big moment of saving the world is going to get punked.

WHO’S SELFISHLY EXCITED ABOUT THE CHARITY SHOW: Chris Sligh. The April 24 show’s theme will be “inspirational songs”; given that he’s already performed Mute Math and DC Talk songs, we have no doubt that he’ll try and crate-dig through the Tooth and Nail vaults as a way to show off his mad Christian-rock skills.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: Incomplete. Honestly, the surprise expressed by the judges after Sundance’s elimination made us wonder if all three of them were on something.

Next week: The top 12 go head-to-head! Diana Ross! And a guest Idol recapper!

American Idol [americanidol.com] Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives [Photo via Reality TV Magazine]