Phoning It In: R. Kelly Has The Arcade Fire’s Number

Mar 13th, 2007 // 1 Comment

A few months ago, the Arcade Fire set up a hotline to promote their recent Neon Bible album. Now, R. Kelly has established a number of his own, which he will use to not only shill his record, but also to hand out to the lesser-fly honeys who try to get his digits. We were lucky enough to set up some time for the two artists to speak via their respective phone lines.


ARCADE FIRE LINE: Uh, hi. Could I speak to R. Kelly please?
R. KELLY LINE: Who’s this? Is this your body callin’?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: What? Oh, no…it’s the Arcade Fire calling
R. KELLY LINE: Oh, right. Cool. What’s up? Is this all of you?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: No, just the members whose last names begin with A through L. Just the seven of us.
R. KELLY LINE: Damn. That’s a lot! I mean, Public Announcement rolled deep, but you guys are like, I dunno, like the White-Tang Clan!
R. KELLY LINE: Sorry. Is that an old joke?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: We get it a lot. You’d be surprised.
R. KELLY LINE: Cool, cool. So you all got a new album, right? What’s it all about?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: Ooh, boy. That’s kind of hard to answer….it’s sort of a song cycle about death, and religion, the perils of celebrity.
R. KELLY LINE: Do you have any songs about marshmallows?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: What? No. I mean, if people want to think the songs are about marshmallows, that’s fine. It’s just that–
R. KELLY LINE: On my new album, I have three songs about marshmallows. The first one, “Confectious,” is about these girls that I meet a club, and who I take back to my room and cover with marshmallows. Then there’s “Fluffin’,” which describes, [laughs], you know…it describes what happens after we’re done with the marshmallows. And then at the very end of the album is “Stay Puffed,” which summarizes parts one and two.
R. KELLY LINE: Yeah. Boy, do I love to freak with marshmallows. You Arcade Fire cats ever do that?
R. KELLY LINE: Sorry, you dropped out. You Arcade Fire cats ever like to get your nut off while–
ARCADE FIRE LINE: Alright! Well, this has been great.
R. KELLY LINE: Oh, are we over?
ARCADE FIRE LINE: Yeah, sorry. Gotta run!
R. KELLY LINE: Cool, cool. Hey, maybe we can all get together some time? Maybe play around a bit, R. Cade and R. Kels, and see what happens? I got a grotto here, and some canola oil and a coupla stenographers–

  1. Mike Barthel


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