Which Journalist Should Write The Next Glowing Ultragrrrl Profile?

As this week’s Village Voice cover story proves, it’s hard to find a NYC writer who doesn’t have some sort of connection with Ultragrrrl–even if it’s just through random nightlife socializing. And since we’d love to read an Ultra piece that takes an outsiders’ stance, we asked several high-profile scribes about whether they have enough distance to remain truly objective. Their responses after the click-through.

GAY TALESE: Afraid not. During one of my many Writer’s Life funks, she was kind enough to take me to MisShapes, where I got to meet one of Duffs–Hilary? Angelica?–up close in the DJ booth. Plus, she’s so nice!

MAUREEN DOWD: Sorry. To me, she represents the freedom and self-reflection of mid-Iraqi war twentysomething feminism, and her ability to succeed at a male-dominated music magazine by having pancakes with Brandon Flowers is empowering. Plus, she’s so nice!

ADRIAN NICOLE LEBLANC: Depends. I would need 2-3 years of fly-on-the-wall stuff with the Oohlas before even considering it.

NORMAN MAILER: Just what the fuck is an ultra squirrel?

idolator
  • Stevie

    Please tell me that wasn’t really the cover. Oy, the Voice has gone downhill.

  • musicquizking

    Sarah WISH she had tits that godly!

  • MickFNS

    Um, hello. Ultra’s tits are huge. HUGE. (They probably look bigger because she’s so short.) Why else would guys fall all over themselves to listen to her? She’s kinda dumpy from the waist down, though. But still, cute; if I was in a shitty emo-band and wore girl-jeans and eyeliner and wasn’t rimming my guitarist… I’d fuck her.

  • Poubelle

    Holy airbrushing, Batman!

    (No idea what Ultra/Sarah/whatever looks like, but the flames were definitely not the only part of the cover that can thank Photoshop.)

  • NickEddy

    I’d thought her rather cute from the other pics I’d seen. Here, with her jaded/bored expression, she looks rather like the girl one THINKS is superhot and who causes one to not believe one’s good luck in blackout state, but in the morning, she’s STILL there, bad skin and stuff, all “Do you like Ryan Adams?” Plus she likely smokes too much and has a phlegmy cough.

  • nicoel

    To the Klosterman-phone!

  • mackro

    Unbehagen!

  • tankboy

    Is that really the cover?

    Okay, why are you all wasting your time bashing Ultra when you should be hatin’ on the VV art department?!

  • Feh Am Legend

    Strangely, I find myself somewhat more interested in Ultragrrrl.

  • unperson

    She’s got the shortness, the rack and the astonishing ability to make a whole career out of being a musical hanger-on. If only she was meaner and had a filthier mouth, she could be the new Lydia Lunch.

  • Emerson Dameron

    Come on, New York. You’re asking for *how* much in cost of living? And this is all you’ve got?

  • cassidy2099

    I’ll write the article. I’ve never heard of her. Then again, I don’t listen to the Killers anymore.

  • Nicolars

    That cover looks like something that would be painted on the side of an Ford Econline.

  • Anonymous

    I’m thankful for that Wikipedia entry about her. Having read that, I have no reason to care any further.

  • Anonymous

    The lighting on that cover isn’t going to help re: those insults about her looks any…

  • The HZA. [member of the zombie nation]

    @nicoel: YES!

    I remember reading Ultragrrl’s “book” at Barnes and Noble to waste time before going to see a movie, and Chuck Klosterman’s blurb about her book was like, hilariously backhanded. I will ahve to look up his quote on it.

  • The Playlist

    God, that piece was such a awful, lunch-losing blowjob. Umm, isn’t the writer basically a friend of hers?

  • The Playlist

    I also think their would be a bigger outrage in the music industry this week if everyone weren’t at SXSW. Maybe people are tossing their burritos as we speak. I’m sure Ultraa is there twirling batons for Team MOR EmoPunk as we speak.

  • the rich girls are weeping

    The meta implications that Ultragrrl is the St. Bernadette of the music industry makes me want to weep copious tears. Seriously.

  • bitchymcsnob

    For starters, try assigning the piece to someone other than Marc Spitz, or someone he slept with.