How Not To Convince People To Sign Your Crappy Band

Mar 15th, 2007 // 1 Comment

Step one: Paint your dog green (left).
Step two: Paint yourself green.
Step three: Hire three dozen people. Paint them green and instruct them to swarm an intersection with your band’s flyers.
Step four: Get a bullhorn.
Step five: Use that bullhorn as you thrust “personal massagers” into the hands of passerby, saying things like, “Oh, baby, I know you’re going to think of me tonight when you use that” as you do so.
Step six: Be remembered long enough to have an irritable blog post written about you, but not long enough that the blogger doing so will remember key details like, say, your band’s name, or what it sounds like. (Although said blogger is pretty sure that the sound isn’t that good, given that you used everything but your music to draw attention to yourself. Seriously–vibrators?)

  1. Josh Mock


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