The Most Dangerous Shell Game Of All: Are The “Ninja Turtles” Soundtracks Cursed?

Mar 21st, 2007 // 6 Comments

Sure, everyone’s talking about the “cool” new record releases this week–your Modest Mouses, your Ted Leos, etc. But there’s one album that everyone’s forgetting about, and it may prove to be the most important of the year: The soundtrack for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. And why does this under-the-radar release deserve more attention? Because if the history has taught us just one thing–and it probably has–it’s that every rapper, singer, and breakdancer associated with the Turtles franchise is forever doomed.

The first Turtles soundtrack–released in 1990–was a best-seller, with a lead-off track by M.C. Hammer; six years later, Hammer would declare bankruptcy, and none of the other musicians on the album (including Spunkadelic and “Turtle Power” providers Partners In Kryme) would ever be heard from again. The artists associated with 1991′s The Secret Of The Ooze hardly fared any better: Vanilla Ice wrote and performed “Ninja Rap” for the movie, which was released just as accusations about his falsified background sank his recording career; fellow soundtrack stars Magnificent Vii and Tribal House would be out of the public spotlight by the time of 1993′s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. That last installment featured two versions of “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora, who died just two years later. Coincidence?

The Turtles trouble raises several questions regarding the unlucky souls who contributed to the most recent movie: Will Cute Is What We Aim For’s “Rip It Up” prove to be the “Ninja Rap” of 2007? Can Cobra Starship avoid the fate of Ya Kid K? And, most importantly, shoud we expect that doof-a-doof from Gym Class Heroes on season thirteen of The Surreal Life?

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  1. Nimrod

    Can Cobra Starship avoid the fate of Ya Kid K?

    If you take that statement to mean, “write an annoying song that gets stuck in everyone’s head for an entire decade,” then yes, yes they can.

    If you take it to mean, “their star falls to the point where even reality shows don’t want them,” my money’s on “inevitable.”

  2. Christopher R. Weingarten

    @Al aka El Negro Magnifico: None of the 10-year-olds this movie is aimed at have probably ever seen a TeeYemEnTee comic.

  3. sparkletone

    @WhineyPTW:

    The bipolarity of the advertising for this movie has been kind of interesting to see. There’s a set of ads clearly designed to appeal to The Kids These Days. There are big, colorful words on the screen. The focus is on humor.

    Then there’s a whole other set of ads for people who were Turtles fans back when the cartoon was a going concern, first batch of movies came out, etc. These ads make it look like a more serious animated action movie ala The Incredibles, only with, oh hey, remember those turtle ninja guys you loved as a kid?

    I’m curious to see where the movie itself actually falls between the two. Advance reviews have not been kind.

  4. TeddyKGB

    I don’t know about everyone on that soundtrack, but I do think the Gym Class Heroes are on their way to be the next Urban Dance Squad.

  5. Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

    Perhaps Alberto Gonzalez should’ve thought twice before submitting his “Turtle Twist (Get Down to the Funky Sound).”

    Lesson learned, Alberto. Lesson learned…

  6. deusdiabolus

    Just imagine how terrified you’d be if Arcade Fire or My Chemical Romance were on the new soundtrack.

    Calm down…take deep breaths. I said if.

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