Why Do Democrats Get To Mac On All The Good Musicians?

Mar 23rd, 2007 // 27 Comments

stevieclinton.jpgNo wonder so many conservatives are trying to find the next Ted Nugent: When it comes to booking big-name musical guests for political events, Republicans just can’t get their acts together–at least according to an article in today’s L.A. Times:

It’s less a question of Republicans not knowing how to have fun than it is a matter of history. Democratic activists essentially invented what has become a staple of Hollywood politics, the concert-fundraiser hybrid. Think of it as the political equivalent of a Prius, without the moralizing.

Mall magnate Rick Caruso, who is hosting a cocktail party for [Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney] on Tuesday night, is unfazed by the lack of A-list entertainment at Republican events.

“We’re here to raise money,” he said, adding that he hopes to bring in more than $2 million for Romney.

He may get the money, but if the last few years of campaigning is any example, Saturday’s party for Hilary Clinton is going to be much more fun.

According to the Times article, Clinton is wooing Alicia Keys and James Blunt for tomorrow’s gig–and while those names may seem pretty snoozy to us, they’re still far more impressive than anybody the Republicans have managed to get on stage. For comparison, here’s a quick breakdown of the two parties’ most high-profile tub-thumpers from the last few years:

DEMOCRATS
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sheryl Crow
Bruce Springsteen
Melissa Etheridge
Paul Simon
James Taylor
Carole King
Tony Bennett
Lil’ Kim (rumored, seriously)

REPUBLICANS
Roger Williams
That girl who lost to Carrie Underwood on American Idol

Not exactly an even-keeled balance of power. But to be fair to the Republicans, it should be noted that Democrats have more pull with musicians because they better understand the hard-living rock n’ roll lifestyle: They know how to hide the weed in the carry-on bag, how to spot a freshman-year co-ed’s fake ID, and how to best roll up a body in a rug and drop it in the part of the Potomac that’s technically within Maryland’s jurisdiction.

GOP tone-deaf in music industry fundraising [LA Times]

  1. dickthesnake

    I thought former virgin, now crack ho’ Britney Spears was an R, too.

  2. Anonymous

    Didn’t that gay tool Ricky Martin perform at the first inauguration? And they also always have the lovely and talented Jessica Simpson, who always leaves orange stains on the sheets of the Lincoln bedroom and can be counted on to forget the words to the song she is butchering and run off the stage crying.

  3. mike a

    These performer lists = all the more reason we need a viable third party in America.

  4. Anonymous

    WWDBPF?

    (who would D Boon peform for)

  5. sluggo

    If McCain can get Cheney to lend him Dick’s reanimator machine, then booking Barry Sadler is a definite possibility for the McInsane campaign express.

  6. pimpmyPR

    plasticisle. Good catch on Toby Keith and his ridiculous restaurant. I’ve been to the “Ilove” in Vegas – it was the only place within staggering distance when I was there for a soccer tournament last year.

    “Do you want Freedom fries served with that?”

    “No. I want French fries. And I want them served by Jaques Fuckin’ Chirac you redneck ho.”

  7. Pete the Chop

    @pimpmyPR: “Do you want Freedom fries served with that?”

    “No. I want French fries. And I want them served by Jaques Fuckin’ Chirac you redneck ho.”

    Hilarious. That killed me.

  8. nonce

    I thought Bo Bice lost to Carrie Underwood. And really, I’m more scandalized by the thought he might be a Republican than that he might actually be a girl. Girl power, Bo!

  9. Nicolars

    James Blunt would be a PERFECT performer for a HRC fundraiser. Both are bland, soul-less robots that appeal to Oprah viewers.

  10. pimpmyPR

    I’ve always wanted to attack James Blunt…with an er…blunt instrument. Like a ball end hammer. You wouldn’t be “beautiful” after that, would you James?

    Surely Carrie Underwood is a Republican? She’s always stumpin’ for Jesus and has that dim-south-of-the-Mason-Dixon-line blond thing going. I love it and want to defile her for whole raft of political and musical reasons.

  11. chrisb

    I believe the Repubs have Kid Rock in their pocket too. And didn’t the last surviving member of The Ramones support Bush?

  12. dickthesnake

    There are also those neo-Nazi twins from California, Nelson or Olson or something.

    Of course, if you really want to go there, there’s the whole skinhead sub-genre, where you affect Republicanism to show how sociopathic, self-loathing and self destructive you are. Wanna bet those guys don’t get a lot of gigs at the country club?

  13. Btwbfdimho

    Excuse me my ignorance, but who’s Roger Williams?
    Are you talking about the Texas Secretary of State?
    http://www.sos.state.tx.us/

    “An agency that carries a pro-active, customer-centric and friendly philosophy”. Yes, right, friendly philosophy as long as they don’t put you on death row.

  14. Anonymous

    @chrisb: Johnny Ramone was the second Ramone to die, not the only survivor, and equally sadly was a staunch conservative. And a Mets fan too, I think.

  15. Anonymous

    @sluggo: Don’t get me started on Barry Sadler. I sat next to him and three cheap ho’s in a bar in Guatemala in 1984…RinF*inHell.

  16. SwanBrooner

    Ted Nugent is a musician?

  17. thefrontpage

    “Cat Scratch Fever,” “Stranglehold,” “Dog Eat Dog,” “Death By Misadventure,” “Free For All,” “Journey to the Center of Your Mind,” “Great White Buffalo,” several huge hits with Damn Yankees, and several other solo hits besides the ones mentioned here–and millions and millions of albums sold. Plus several successful concert tours. Yes, politics aside, he’s a successful musician.

  18. chrisb

    @Nabisco: Are you sure?

    Wikipedia says he was last to die:

    * Joey Ramone died of lymphoma on April 15, 2001 in New York.
    * Dee Dee Ramone was found dead at his Hollywood home on June 5, 2002 following a heroin overdose, only two months after The Ramones were inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame.
    * Johnny Ramone died of prostate cancer on September 15, 2004 in Los Angeles, California.

  19. thefrontpage

    Aren’t Michael Jackson, George Michael, Elton John, the Indigo Girls, Leo Sayer, The Bay City Rollers, The Village People and Abba Republicans, also?

  20. RedMetal

    Also for the good guys (Dem/left):
    Maynard James Keenan (Tool) – Kerry, DNC donor; served in the Axis of Justice in ’04
    Kirk Hammet (Metallica) – DNC donor
    Tom Morello – Rage, Axis of Justice.
    - BTW as a Kerry delegate to the 2000 Democratic National Convention, I skipped Hillary’s speech to catch Rage playing in what we now call a “Free Speech Zone” across the street from the Staples Center.

  21. RedMetal

    That’s the same Wikipedia that said Sinbad was dead, right?

    With him gone, who else would the tribal casinos get to fill a Tuesday night?
    @chrisb:

  22. chrisb

    @thefrontpage: Wow, that’s so insightful. Did you come up with that list all by yourself, or did you have to go to Donnie Davies’ website?

    Was this post cross-posted to Wonkette? Is that why there are retards in here today?

  23. Anonymous

    @chrisb: Yes, it was cross-posted to Wonkette. But we aren’t all retards – thefrontpage is just a weird homo-obsessed douchebag. Seriously, if anything ever comes up on Wonkette related to gayzzz he always busts in with a Mark Foley joke – very one-note.

    Great avatar BTW.

  24. mmwwm

    Republicans shouldn’t complain about entertainment when they’ve got the whole evangelical right behind them.
    I’m sure Switchfoot or Michael W. Smith would be happy to provide entertainment.

  25. Trai_Dep

    Wasn’t Eva Braun a caberet singer?

  26. Publican

    They have that entire fascist anti-dancing to-the-right of Baptists group scaring off the entertainers. They are lucky they can get organ grinders.

  27. jer3saw

    Why would any good musicians be republicans. Good musicians come from the the parts of society that republicans hate. Such as, minorities and the poor.
    I don’t think CEOs of Haliburton or oil companies ever write any good tunes.

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