Cat Scratch Fever: Your Guide To “The Search For The Next Doll”
Every Tuesday night, starry-eyed young girls and pantless old men settle down for another episode of the CW’s latest reality show, Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll. Our guide to yesterday’s installment after the click-through.
Highlights from Episode 4: “Vegas, Baby”
– Anastaacia–who’s like 5′ 11″ and 125 pounds or something–says that she’s overweight, a remark that gives every member of the show’s teenage-girl viewership an instant eating disorder.
– Chelsea seizes upon Anastacia’s comment to remind us yet again that she used to be fat: “It was my chubby little Vietnam, people!”
– Dolls manager Jeff Haddad is brought to the house, where his appearance is greeted with a none-too-subtle applause track. The shrieking that commences after he announces the group is going to Vegas, however, is crazed enough to be legit.
– The girls rehearse their dance routine on a bus to Vegas, prompting Melissa S. to ask, “Who learns choreography on a moving bus? Can somebody please tell me, because clearly, I didn’t get that memo.” Well, we did, and it was awesome–maybe the best dance-related bus memo ever.
– Asia tries to start beef when she’s asked to eat her vegetables.
– The barely dressed girls strut, slither and grind out a version of Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love,” fulfilling one of Marc Almond’s long-time fantasies.
– The girls take lessons with vocal coach Valerie Morehouse, a woman who, after years of working with semi-talented starlets, must have the patience of a saint and the hearing of a St. Bernard.
– Melissa R. breaks into tears while performing Aerosmith’s “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”; she later explains that the song reminds her of her grandmother, who looked a lot like Brad Whitford.
– The elimination comes down to Chelsea (the formerly fat girl) and Mariela (the girl with can put her legs over her head). Mariela is eliminated, but in the interest of consistency–and page views–we’ll keep the above picture intact.
Cat Scratch Fever [Archive]
