Richards’ Snorting And Scoffing Gets Scottish Post-Rocker’s Nose Out Of Joint

In a move that’ll surely inspire the droniest dis tracks ever, a member of Mogwai has taken to the band’s blog to decry Keith Richards’ confession that he snorted his dad, and his follow-up assertion that as far as music goes, “There ain’t nothing out there that’s worth shit…. I listen to my shit, baby, Motörhead, reggae, Moroccan music. All kinds of shit.”

In an entry titled “Keith please cease breathing,” Mogwai’s Barry Burns writes:

Hi everyone. I just woke up to find that average blues guitar peddlar and all round unlikeable London pirate-like arsehole Keith Richard snorted his dad’s ashes on a drug binge. Well done Keith, you talentless publicity hungry horrible prick of the highest order. He then goes on to say modern bands are a load of old crap. Right, but can we really listen to the opinions of a nasal cannibal?

Keith, your band are possibly the worst band in the history of human events, worse even than Placebo and The Reynolds Girls combined. Your posh English singer sings with an American accent about a load of old American prostitutes he met once and your guitar licks are Grade F. The sooner you die the quicker my Ladbrokes bet comes in between you and McCartney you old dick. I hope you kick the bucket in the most humiliating of ways, like on the toilet and then being eaten by your own dog. Stop living and give us peace you attention seeking non relevant oxygen thief.


We don’t really have anything to add except this: The Reynolds Girls’ one hit, the Stock Aitken Waterman-produced “I’d Rather Jack,” contains a dis of the Rolling Stones in its chorus, making Burns’ entry even more cutting. However Richards responds, it’ll be really hard to find a song that speaks ill of Mogwai, no?

Keith please cease breathing. []
Earlier: Introducing The Keith Richards Snort-Story Collection

  • Nicolars

    Nasal Cannibal would be an awesome band name!

  • brainchild

    i like Mogwai and all.. but WTF?

  • GiantPanda

    Yes! “nasal cannibal” is the best thing I’ve read in the past few weeks, nice one Barry, nice one.

  • NickEddy


    Maybe Barry Burns’s own dad was snorted up one time after a particularly crazy rubgy scrum at some ATP event or “summat?”

    And, that said, you KNOW Gore Verbinksi is right now flying Keith somewhere to shoot a late-add “Pirates” scene wherein pulverized skeleton blows comically faceward and then, as last of dust settles on his tricorner hat, Keith freakin’ WINKS at the camera and Rolling Stones “Bitch” kicks in as blooper credit rolls scenes…

  • Ned Raggett

    @brainchild: How quickly you forget the legendary (and very accurate at the time) “Blur: Are Shite” T-shirts.

  • Ned Raggett

    And yes, Nasal Cannibal. Nothing will beat that.

  • Lucas Jensen

    Well, I agree that nasal cannibal is an often phrase, but didn’t Mogwai only make, like, one or two good records? I’ll take Keith’s “Grade F” licks over predictable quiet to loud noodling any day.

  • Lucas Jensen

    I said often. I meant awesome. Weird.

  • GiantPanda

    They have like what 4 albums? At least 2 of them are awesome. Not including that bbc sessions album which is awesome. That’s pretty good.

  • brasstax

    I wish someone would’ve hugged the members of Mogwai when they were childrens. So much hate within their ranks.

  • brainchild

    @Ned Raggett:

    i don’t follow mogwai that closely. i own a couple records and enjoy listening to them once every presidential term.

  • JML1971

    Hmmm… Barry Burns, of exciting post-rockers Mogwai fame, seems to be almost as inept at speaking his troubled mind in blog form as he is at making music. Almost. Please, do keep your day job. Or, rather, don’t. Or, errr,…

  • drjimmy11

    a member of Mogwai has taken to the band’s blog

    I think the missing part of that sentence is, “…and the band’s publicist, working from his mother’s basement, has emailed the link to every major media outlet.”

    Seriously, who would ever independantly imagine that a guy from something called “Mogwai” even had a blog, or a computer for that matter.

  • SterileEyes

    Someone get Mogwai a tissue!

    Wait, who?

  • BlimpyMcFlah

    Mogwai are right.

    You are all wrong/cunts.

    Rolling Stones: just a band.

  • byebyepride

    Reynolds Girls >>>>>>>> Mogwai!! 4 realz