Idolator’s American Idolatry: Haley’s Legs Walk Away

Apr 12th, 2007 // 7 Comments

Well, as it turns out, the Internet chatter about who would be eliminated from this week’s episode of American Idol was off. (A rumor on the Internet untrue? We’re shocked. No, really.) So while Lakisha Jones should never, ever sing “Conga” again, last night the Idol viewership said goodbye to Haley Scarnato–she of the pageanty flourishes, wheedling voice, and ever-receding hemlines.

WHO’S OUT: Oh, Haley. We knew you, and your limbs, so well–and your facial expressions while the votes were being read out made it so obvious that you knew you were a goner. And then you started crying, and we almost felt bad for you–until you were given the chance to perform “Turn The Beat Around” again, and we were reminded of your wedding-band vocals all over again.

WHO’S (INEXPLICABLY) IN: Now that the field is narrowing, we may have to retire this category–and the fact that Phil was in the bottom three bodes ill for its continued existence.

HEY, LOOK, IT’S AKON: Expanding the results show to an hour meant the chance for even more filler content; first, you had a group performance of Enrique Iglesias’ “Ballamos,” then a performance of “Ignition (Remix” “Don’t Matter” by Akon–which was actually taped two weeks ago, when he took the stage with Gwen Stefani. Ryan Seacrest, for some reason, attributed the (taped) presence of Akon to The American Idol Hit List, during which viewers allegedly “book the show.” Can we call shenanigans? And can we presume that Robin Thicke and Fergie–both of whom have, according to reports, performed after results shows in the previous weeks–will “win” this vote, too?

BLACK OR WHITE OR GRAY: The less said about this week’s morph-tastic Ford ad–which was set to the Turtles’ “Happy Together”–the better, but we have one question: Did the stylists decide to give Sanjaya and Melinda the same hairdo so that their morphing would look even better?

NOTES ON CAMP: Evidence that everyone is now in on the Sanjaya joke, and that as a result he will be gone within the next two weeks: 1) He was given the final, whispered words of “Ballamos,” and he camped it up so hard, it was like our TV was winking at us. 2) His joke about giving Jennifer Lopez his number closed out the videotaped montage that preceded Lopez’s performance. 3) Ryan made more jokes about Sanjaya than about Simon.

LA LOPEZ: After the aforementioned introductory package, during which Lopez was bathed in a halo and called “the coolest person ever” by all the contestants, it was time for her to sing. Her Stevie Nicks getup was pretty great–and it looked even better once the Idol wind machine was turned on mid-song–and her voice actually sounded … not completely horrible, although she did have many a “pitchy” moment. (We’re guessing that this verdict is the result of us still shaking off the aural residue from last night’s show, so please bear with us.)

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 8/10. She was asked one question by Ryan–”Did you see a new side to the contestants?”–and it caused her to dissolve into giggles.

American Idol []
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives
[Photo via Reality TV Magazine]

  1. Anonymous

    Based on that picture, I’m guessing that’s what Edie McClurg looked like in her youth. Haley’s got a lot to look forward to.

  2. Xenu

    I didn’t know Jennifer Coolidge was mentoring the kids this week.

  3. Bazooka Tooth

    Based on that picture, I’m guessing she just shit her pants.

  4. derby

    Now that Legs is gone I kind of miss her. Not really. While I was holding out some hope she would appear onstage at some point in a bikini, her voice is just unbearable. I actually felt bad (for all of us) that she had to sing “Turn The Beat Around” again – it’s easily one of the most annoying songs I’ve ever heard. And I think I’ve had my fill of Akon for the rest of my life. Maybe if I were 16 I might like Akon, but as of now I just don’t get it – at all!

    Is there a Nair commercial in Haley’s future? Hmmm….

  5. chrisb

    In case there was any doubt, last night’s results mean DialIdol is completely, totally done. The AI producers must have put some measure into place to prevent it from working… so really, there’s no point in getting bothered again by its predictions.

  6. antistar

    Honestly, she was a terrible singer/performer, but her outfits were no more revealing than Katherine McPhee’s were last year.

  7. sncreducer

    I am in NO WAY an Enrique Iglesias fan, but I think the song is “Bailamos” with an “i”. “Ballamos” would be some sort of Spanglish meaning “we ball.”

    Which, now that I think of it, sounds like a much better song.

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