Well, as it turns out, the Internet chatter about who would be eliminated from this week’s episode of American Idol was off. (A rumor on the Internet untrue? We’re shocked. No, really.) So while Lakisha Jones should never, ever sing “Conga” again, last night the Idol viewership said goodbye to Haley Scarnato–she of the pageanty flourishes, wheedling voice, and ever-receding hemlines.
WHO’S OUT: Oh, Haley. We knew you, and your limbs, so well–and your facial expressions while the votes were being read out made it so obvious that you knew you were a goner. And then you started crying, and we almost felt bad for you–until you were given the chance to perform “Turn The Beat Around” again, and we were reminded of your wedding-band vocals all over again.
WHO’S (INEXPLICABLY) IN: Now that the field is narrowing, we may have to retire this category–and the fact that Phil was in the bottom three bodes ill for its continued existence.
HEY, LOOK, IT’S AKON: Expanding the results show to an hour meant the chance for even more filler content; first, you had a group performance of Enrique Iglesias’ “Ballamos,” then a performance of
“Ignition (Remix” “Don’t Matter” by Akon–which was actually taped two weeks ago, when he took the stage with Gwen Stefani. Ryan Seacrest, for some reason, attributed the (taped) presence of Akon to The American Idol Hit List, during which viewers allegedly “book the show.” Can we call shenanigans? And can we presume that Robin Thicke and Fergie–both of whom have, according to reports, performed after results shows in the previous weeks–will “win” this vote, too?
BLACK OR WHITE OR GRAY: The less said about this week’s morph-tastic Ford ad–which was set to the Turtles’ “Happy Together”–the better, but we have one question: Did the stylists decide to give Sanjaya and Melinda the same hairdo so that their morphing would look even better?
NOTES ON CAMP: Evidence that everyone is now in on the Sanjaya joke, and that as a result he will be gone within the next two weeks: 1) He was given the final, whispered words of “Ballamos,” and he camped it up so hard, it was like our TV was winking at us. 2) His joke about giving Jennifer Lopez his number closed out the videotaped montage that preceded Lopez’s performance. 3) Ryan made more jokes about Sanjaya than about Simon.
LA LOPEZ: After the aforementioned introductory package, during which Lopez was bathed in a halo and called “the coolest person ever” by all the contestants, it was time for her to sing. Her Stevie Nicks getup was pretty great–and it looked even better once the Idol wind machine was turned on mid-song–and her voice actually sounded … not completely horrible, although she did have many a “pitchy” moment. (We’re guessing that this verdict is the result of us still shaking off the aural residue from last night’s show, so please bear with us.)
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 8/10. She was asked one question by Ryan–”Did you see a new side to the contestants?”–and it caused her to dissolve into giggles.