Bono, Billy Squier Co-Star In Greatest New York “Times” Story Of All Time

May 16th, 2007 // 11 Comments

bonopenthouse.jpgIf you do only one thing today–and we mean only one thing, eclipsing all other obligations of hygiene, etc.–you must read this New York Times story regarding a co-op feud between Bono and Billy Squier, which is just about the nuttiest thing we’ve seen in months. We’ll get you started:

Bono, the lead singer of U2 and a globetrotting activist for social causes, has become involved in a battle that may be as intractable as loan burdens in the developing world — a Manhattan co-op dispute.

One of his adversaries is a fellow rocker, Billy Squier, best known for 1980s songs like “The Stroke.” The two live in the San Remo, a storied building with twin towers that loom over Central Park West. (It is the same building that rejected Madonna in 1985 when she sought to buy an apartment.)

The dispute is over whether hazardous smoke from fireplaces, including Mr. Squier’s, is drifting from chimneys into the penthouse duplex where Bono lives with his wife and four children. About a year ago the co-op board banned the use of fireplaces throughout the building, angering fireplace owners, who love a pine-scented blaze in the city as well as their enhanced property values.

But wait, there’s more! Among the story’s other highlights:

- The San Remo is also the home of such celebrities as Steven Spielberg, Steve Martin, Scott Rudin and Annie Hall co-writer Marshall Brickman. Oh, and Mitch Miller.
- Bono bought his pad from Steve Jobs, who “never spent a night in the apartment.”
- “Mr. Squier did not respond to messages left with an assistant seeking comment.”
- Billy Squier has an assistant.
- Brickman, unable to come up with a good joke during his Times interview, calls back with better a quip.
- Billy Squier has an assistant.

Among the Rich, a New Dispute Over Air Rights [NYT]

  1. Breliant

    Billy Squire’s assistant is Billy Squire using a high pitched voice.

  2. Chris Molanphy

    @Breliant: Like his strangled-cats singing voice, right? So you mean when Billy’s playing his “assistant,” he just sings?

    This would be like Yoko Ono getting into a dispute in the Dakota with Ronnie James Dio.

  3. pchcowboy

    Smoke me. Smoke me. Smoke. Smoke.

  4. Hyman Decent

    Anyone else remember how Billy Squier lost the respect of his fans when he frolicked on a bed with silk sheets and tore off his tank top, Chippendales-style, in the video for “Rock Me Tonight”?

  5. Nicolars

    And yet he still manages to seem more classy than tax-dodge Bono.

  6. Whigged

    @Nicolars:
    Please. If that’s the worst you can say about the guy (not the music), than that’s pretty sad for you – but good for him. Even the most Pitchforkian can applaud his humanitarian efforts.

  7. annecat

    I’m a serious U2 fan, but this is all pretty funny given that Bono smoked for years!

  8. Whigged

    @annecat:
    I bet he didn’t smoke logs though.

    Christ, that’s a set up if I ever saw one.

  9. FionaScrapple

    @dennisobell:

    Cheap shots at the great RJD don’t make for a tangible comment.

    Ono? Yes.

  10. Trackback

    Betty Rocker invites us all to give her 32 spankings; Billboard gives us three more great reasons not to be in Buffalo on August 1; Malchus delivers another wonderful entry in his Basement Songs series; Little Hits spins some Leslee Swanson, then some Cadets; Ickmusic puts us in the crowd for the…

  11. 2fs

    I suspect Squier’s “assistant” was “hired” the previous evening, at one of Squier’s shows, when her “resume” caught Squier’s eye and her facility for making his “backbone slide” sealed the deal.

    Alternate theory: Squier found out about Jobs’ never staying there, and simply dresses up as Steve Jobs every day to go to “his” co-op.

    Nah – that would make him clever.

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