“Harp” Looking For Attention From Lucrative Juliette Lewis-Loving Demographic

May 29th, 2007 // 20 Comments

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So this is where we are now: Even the “thinking” music magazines out there feel like they have to play with floating numbers, Photoshopped second-tier starlets, and behind-the-fold musicians in order to come up with what they think is a decent cover. But really, Juliette Lewis and Minnie Driver? We’re sure that Harp‘s editors were sad that 1000 Fires came out just a bit too long ago for Traci Lords to make the cut.

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  1. zibby

    Please. That crew looks dumpy enough – the last thing they wanted was Traci Lords standing next to them.

    And 1000 Fires wasn’t all that bad.

  2. Maura Johnston

    i like how joss stone looks like she’s been beamed in from space.

  3. Dickdogfood

    “Let’s put the girls who are kinda PUSSYCAT DOLLS HAWT over here and let’s put the girls with the VERY NICE PERSONALITY in a very nice safe place where they won’t repulse the readership.”

    A few Harp editors need to be slapped senseless.

  4. jfury

    Juliette kicks ass. She’s Diamond Dave for the new generation. What bugs me is the ageist b.s. crap. Debbie Harry and Johnette Napolitano both have albums out soon/now (respectively). Show them some love, Harp. I bet you could even get them to pose with their shoulders on their ears and stand like they’ve got a rod jammed up their asses.

  5. Chris Molanphy

    Could I get a left-to-right rundown of these…ahem, “sirens”?

    Either I’m getting too old to read small type, or they’ve been airbrushed beyond recognition.

  6. parrotrunner

    Juliette believes in aliens and souls attached to the sides of volcanos and the Nazi-esque hoped-for endgame of the psychiatric profession.

  7. rogerniner

    is that Jessie Sykes in the corner? WTF? She could devour any of these has beens in a millisecond. Just ask Sunn O & Boris.

  8. The Mozfather

    Oh my God. This is beyond lame. Minnie Driver. Minnie Driver!??! I suppose even plopping, say, MIA on your cover might be a little too “ethnic”.

  9. Maura Johnston

    @dennisobell:
    Juliette Lewis
    Joss “E.T.” Stone
    Minnie Driver
    Mandy Moore
    Brody Dalle
    Brandi Carlile
    Jesse Sykes

  10. Anonymous

    When did Brody Dalle turn into a mom?! Sheesh. She looks like the least “punk” person on that cover…..Mandy Moore even looks like she has more street cred.

  11. nonce

    @maura:

    This may help Dennisobell, but I’m still having a hard time. All I know is that Juliette Lewis used to be an actress, right? And Minnie Driver was in that movie where she had David Duchovny’s baboon heart? And I thought Jesse Sykes was that cracked-out skinny VJ on MTV, but I thought that guy was a dude.

    I do, however, know who Debbie Harry and Johnette Napolitano are. And MIA.

  12. Feh Am Legend

    Not only sexless, sexist and stupid, but completely artless. Really, the art department needs to take a long hard look at their chosen profession. And you just know there’s a self-congratulatory letter from the editor full of horseshit about empowerment and solidarity and how hard it was scheduling all these powerful women.

  13. Jupiter8

    Is this a mag for trannies?

  14. Matos W.K.

    it could be worse. they could have put Marilyn Manson on the cover.

  15. Amphiuma

    Minnie Driver played the bad Russian lounge singer in “Goldeneye,” a part that suited her all too well.
    Sheesh, so much for Harp’s credibility. I’ll stick with Paste(with Parker Posey on the June cover, no less.)

  16. VanillaXtraDry

    how many covers do you think will be mailed back to Harp’s offices with the spice girls and/or pussy cat dolls members heads on these womens bodies?

    shame on you Harp. shame on you.

  17. Rilo-Andy

    I’m just pissed that Brandi Carlile is banished to the Phantom Zone that is the inside cover flap when she’s way more talented than all four of those twits on the cover combined…

  18. Raul23

    I’m guessing all the Minnie Driver haters haven’t seen The Riches. I’d be right with you otherwise, but The Riches is some good shit.

  19. Anonymous

    @fishnotfried:
    “When did Brody Dalle turn into a mom?!”
    January 17, 2006.

  20. sarahrose

    what the fuck is HARP?

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