We’ll say this for Waco Tribune-Review columnist Ted Nugent: The man knows how to hook you in with the very first sentence:
I like sizzling meat on the grill. Wild, huh? Anybody? Now, we all know ol’ Nuge isn’t by any stretch of the imagination a weirdo when it comes to an omnivorous diet.
Especially here in the great Republic of Texas, a smiling, drooling preference for succulent, protein-rich, nutritious backstrap over aromatic mesquite coals is as American and natural and right as Mom, apple pie and the flag. It’s beautiful, really.
But a culture war rages against such universal, self-evident truths. It would be laughable if it were not so deranged. Some weirdos actually are on a crusade to outlaw the consumption of flesh.
I have musical touring associates who have been fired from their jobs with ex-Beatle Paul McCartney for sneaking a hamburger.
The only problem is that Ted doesn’t really elaborate, nor does anyone at his newspaper insist on double-checking to see whether the story about the disgraced McCartney employee (who may or may not be Valerie Plame) is actually true. But it doesn’t really matter, because within a few sentences, the Nuge is jumping from topic to topic, tying together everyone from Mao Tse-Tung to Danny Glover to Texas Congressman Chet Edwards. The whole column feels phoned in: Not because Ted was lazy, but because it literally reads like he literally talked into a phone for two hours straight about random topics. It would be laughable if it were not so deranged.
Ted Nugent: ‘Live and let live’ foreign idea to left [Wacotrib.com]