Introducing Our Favorite New Nonsensical Music Critic

Jun 22nd, 2007 // 17 Comments

You can find plenty of heated opinions about the Smashing Pumpkins marketing plan over at the message board ateaseweb.com, and this one is our favorite:

The sensational pumpkins and pitchfork can inhale my penis of ten inches! Both.of.them is horrible insults to which it is good in music! Memory to buy one ton of albums of pitchfork and PISSED that aspired. I mean, is perhaps the lost set in the thing of the translation that ignites, but these are not good albums. The Fire Of the Arches? My tea purse is not thankful to him!

In any case this does not surprise to me. Billy Corgan (also known like old girl four years that obtains violet in the ass) is a money that digs to puta corporative. Steve correct Albini when he said that they were like the following foreigner! Now mírelos that tries to be a bandage.

Well of the Oh. That bassist was quite hot and Siamese dream is an obvious wonderful album. So perhaps I do not think that they are that bad one. Even if Mr. Corgan still sounds like dinosaurio of great energies with the incapacity to crush people!

It’s either a Babel Fish translation gone awry, or a parody of lost-in-translation message-board posts (we’ll bet on the latter, but hope for the former). Either way, it’s a meme just waiting to happen.

Smashing Pumpkins [atease.web]

  1. Ned Raggett

    Memory to buy one ton of albums of pitchfork and PISSED that aspired.

    Richey Edwards only wished he was this evocatively incoherent.

  2. Jasonbob7

    Oh my god…I’m having a hard time typing this, because my brain just melted and I have to plug my ears to keep it from spilling out.

    I’d feel better if it was just pure nonsense. But the writer uses recognizable, somewhat-appropriate terms like “Steve Albini”, “Siamese dream”, and “that bassist was quite hot” mixed together with nonsense like “my tea purse”, “dinosaurio of great energies” and my personal favorite, “old girl four years that obtains violet in the ass”. This merits a super-sized W T F.

  3. Anonymous

    The sensational pumpkins and pitchfork can inhale my penis of ten inches!

    I like how he let us know his dick size. It’s the details that make this review truly something special.

  4. Diglett

    Isn’t Both.of.them a side project of the other members of Black Eyed Peas?

  5. zaky

    This sounds like some of the messages I get on Friendster from young, closeted boys in the Phillipines whose profiles have photos of Avril Lavigne, Beyonce and hot, sweaty guys in speedos.

  6. jopari actually likes the G1, thank you very much.

    BWAHAHA! I just logged in to At Ease (fyi, it’s a Radiohead discussion board) and looked at the rest of this guy’s posts… all equally incoherent and ridiculous. He’s either some Portuguese guy that can’t speak english, and instead uses Google Translate, or a joke identity made by another user there. Either way it’s one of the funnier things I’ve sen this week.

  7. Barry White Stripes, Office LW

    What was written on the new pumpkin album, of spit formed me soda on my keyboard. Thanks!

  8. jopari actually likes the G1, thank you very much.

    A sample post written by policeman:

    “Hello my impressive ass Radiohead that strikes with the foot of the companion throws! She is I his fantasy, man of the police! I have returned, yes! My life has been uneven. And the man, man of oh, has Radiohead be good. I have been pleasant same with the new album of Thom Yorke the rough draft. It is good, in fact, but he is a little singsong and one dimensional one. I do not know.”

    This guy is great.

  9. Vitamin B12

    Please. Sub-Joyce “modernist” clap-trap. Aiming for somewhere in the Lezama Lima area, but without the warmth, humanity, or poetry. Send him back to his Creative Writing Masters program, and don’t let him out until he dumps the metaphors and puts in more sex.

    Either that, or Google Translate doesn’t handle Martian.

  10. jt.ramsay

    @oovy: Both.of.them is clearly a new Will.i.am joint.

  11. Chris Molanphy

    Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had all week.

    “Fire Of the Arches” and “My tea purse is not thankful” just became the new “All your base are belong to us,” far as I’m concerned.

  12. Anonymous

    As of this very moment, I pledge to the readers of Idolator to only refer to my beanbag as “My Tea Purse” from here to eternity.

    Is it can be sexy times now please?

  13. spinachdip

    Every decent-sized message board seems to have a regular who does the double-Babelfish thing, writing a post in English, translating it via Babelfish, and then translating it back to English.

    Even if you know the trick, it’s still often entertaining.

  14. parrotrunner

    My waist aches in fact by the laughter in these posts and my longingly hoped the extraordinary pumpkin singer Corgan is defeated very quickly afterwards.

  15. MJ

    It’s Henry Rollin’s friend, Boris from Czech Republic!

  16. LHOswald

    It’s strange that the name Albini is mentioned because the comment puts me in the mind of pidgin Italian/English that Signore Albini & his crew use on the Electrical.com message board

  17. katieee

    Steve Albini is going to insist on being called Steve correct Albini now. Thanks, guy.

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