Uncle Kracker Kracks Up

Aug 17th, 2007 // 16 Comments

unclekracker.jpgHaving spent the last few years woodshedding and trading on the ability to make the words “hey, I’m Uncle Kracker” translate into free shooters at his local sports bar, the man born Matthew Shafer is finally back in the spotlight–for commiting illegal sex acts with the unwilling.

UK was arrested in North Carolina this morning on a sex offense charge and held on a $5 million bond that he might have been able to afford at the height of his popularity. But even more than the bloated mugshot (just look at that bashful expression) and the perpetual shame of having chosen Uncle Kracker as his psuedonym, Shafer has to suffer the indignity of being first identified as a “a former disc jockey for Kid Rock” by the AP. He should have followed his pal Kenny Chesney’s lead and kept his kinks in the closet. And unless the guy turns out to have a sex dungeon full of corpses and skinned dogs, thus begins and ends Idolator’s first and last reference to Uncle Kracker.

Uncle Kracker Arrested In North Carolina [AP via Yahoo!]

idolator

  1. Maura Johnston

    Oh God, now I have “Follow Me” stuck in my head. THANKS EVERYONE.

  2. Jess Harvell

    the people had a right to know their hero has fallen from grace.

    besides, this was your idea.

  3. AL

    @maura: for me it’s “When the Sun Goes Down”, but what’s the difference really?

  4. Thierry

    Does anyone else think that Uncle Kracker (with all due respect to Dobie Gray) wishes he could “Drift Away” right now?

  5. brainchild

    i’m so thankful i blocked his songs out of my memory. i can’t even remember how “follow me” goes. now if i could only get crazy town’s “butterfly” blocked…

  6. Whigged

    Was there a time in this dude’s career that he would’ve not taken a “bloated mugshot”???

  7. tigerpop

    @brainchild: Crazy Town? Thanks a lot. My day is ruined.

  8. loudersoft

    this is payback for ruining dobie gray’s “Drift Away” and getting Dobie to agree to sing on it. burn, uncle kracker, burn.

  9. Thierry

    @tigerpop: No, no- “IIIIII just wanna flyyyy…” NOW your day is ruined.

  10. tigerpop

    @Thierry: Thanks to Sugar Ray and Lenny Kravitz–and, why not, the Steve Miller Band–I can’t stand any songs about flying. Except for the Beatles one, which doesn’t have any actual words anyway.

  11. NoWireHangers

    Didn’t he sing that song about “now you know what it’s like to have the blues” or something? I guess now he does.

  12. nonce

    What’s wrong with a sex dungeon? All the (gay) men I know with sex dungeons are pretty well-adjusted, and rich (that stuff is expensive).

    Uh, yeah.

    This also clears up whom Uncle K was connected to (I was thinking Sugar Ray or Smash Mouth) though thankfully I have no memory so the only Kid Rock-related musical snippet I can come up with is that early song where he yells “My name is Kiiiiiiiiiiid………Rock!”

  13. Halfwit

    Oh, whatever… for what it was, “Follow Me” was a decent summer pop song — better than anything Smash Mouth ever put out (battle of the chunky lead singers… FIGHT!). Harmless, hummable, with a sweet and simplistic message… it’s no “Thirteen,” but I imagine a few sensitive jr high kids used it as a base for their never-mailed mash notes.

    On a similar note… is there any official term for this sort of 70s-inspired, soft-focus rock? You know… not quite adult contemporary, but the kind of music that used to dominate VH1 in the early to mid 90s.

  14. Tenno

    No that was Everlast singing about the blues, Uncle Kracker sang about other things, things that are now ironic, since he most likely will have to suffer the act he committed on another person himself if convicted…

    And that tawdry horrible sentence structure aside, I find it hilarious that if he goes to prison, or hell, stays there since the bail is so freaking high, having the nomenclature ‘Uncle Kracker’ and being a big ole hilly-billy with hip-hop associations ain’t going to help him one bit.

    I don’t hear his hits people, I just hear the opening notes to the song in Deliverance…

  15. Hyman Decent

    His eyebrows are feminine.

  16. TheMojoPin

    @tigerpop:
    You don’t believe you can fly?

    You don’t believe you can touch the sky?

    I think about it…every night and day.

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