In a chilling vision of an inevitable future–the one where super-intelligent dogs with hyper-developed senses of smell will carry out the police actions of multi-billion dollar entertainment industries–Malaysian recording industry scientists have created the world’s first pair of anti-piracy dogs who bust up bootlegging rings with the freaky ability to smell CD’s. Yes, that’s right, they can sniff out a piece of encoded plastic wherever it may be, and that’s why the Malaysian government has seen fit to honor them with a medal or a plaque or something. (They’re dogs–they’d probably be happy with a Snausage and a pat on the head.) In fact, Lucky and Flo are so good at what they do, the pirates they’ve so enraged have actually put a bounty on their furry asses:
Following the March raid of a shopping complex in Johor Baru, where the dogs
assisted authorities in the identification and seizure of over 1 million pirated discs valued at more than $2.6 million, the Malaysian government reported threats that syndicate bosses were offering a RM100,000 ($29,000) reward for the dogs’ heads. Since then, the dogs have been closely guarded.
Since then, the pair’s noses have led to 26 arrests and seizures totaling an estimated value in excess of $6 million. Included in this value are over 1.6 million optical discs, three DVD replicating machines and 97 CD-R burners.
Sure, on some level these dogs are filthy snitches putting a lot of honest bootleggers out of work–bootleggers whose children need bread and antibiotics and new Trapper Keepers–but a labrador is just cuddlier than Lars Ulrich or the bloated corpse of Jack Valenti. Even the most hardened pre-release leaker or seller of illegal CD-R’s has to melt when they’re pinched by the fuzzy fuzz. The RIAA clearly needs some lovable canine enforcement agents of its own, perhaps with an attendant TV show, one where the dogs would get to give doggy high fives to famous musicians and have an adorable towheaded owner who would always be getting into all sorts of downloading-related mischief. The dogs names could be Pickles and Pearl and they could call the show P2P. I bet that whole public perception problem would clear right up. Someone get Stephen J. Cannell on the phone.
Malaysia Honors Anti-Piracy Canines [Billboard]