Britney Spears: Please God Make It End

Entertainment Weekly has obtained four actual pieces of recorded music released by the spent husk of living dead spray tan formerly known as Britney Spears, and if my nose got opened by diving for Baudrillard-esque pearls in the meta kiddie pool, I’d probably be snout-deep at the P2P trough myself just waiting for these new turgid nuggets to leak to us plebes. But this week’s endless Britney-Britney-Britney has turned friggin’ exhausting with speed, and judging by these half-assedly “knowing” looking-glass lyrics, it might be time for Britney’s family to hustle their wayward womanchild away in the night for a little downhome R&R away from her big city handlers:

Produced by Bloodshy & Avant, the Swedish team behind her 2004 smash ”Toxic,” ”Piece of Me” kicks off with her standard breathy-sexy growl over a thumping hook: ”I’m Mrs. American dream/ Since I was 17.” Then things get darker: ”I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous/I’m Mrs. ‘Oh my God, that Britney’s shameless’/ I’m Mrs. ‘Extra, extra, this just in’ / I’m Mrs. ‘She’s too fat, now she’s too thin.”’ At other points in the song, she refers to herself as ”bad media karma” and insists, ”Another day, another drama/ I can’t see the harm in working hard and being a mama.” According to her reps, the song may very well be her second single after the already charting ”Gimme More.”

See, now my good mood has just evaporated. Call me a crank, call me a grouch, call me a sour puss who just doesn’t know how to roll with his pop fun, but this “comeback” stinks like a necrophile’s dirty drawers. (Full disclosure: I’m only writing about this because Maura made me asked me to.) I have made my embarassment over Ms. Spears known, and will merely hope to be able to avert my eyes from here on out unless forced. I listened to “Anticipating” a little bit earlier, and I’d prefer to remember Britney the perky vessel for the mixing board magic of middle-aged Swedes that she once was.

Britney In New Song: I’m “Bad Media Karma” [Entertainment Weekly]