Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Conquest’s Band Just As Lousy As You Might Expect

noah | September 21, 2007 10:30 am
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From the “That’s Life In The Inferno Of Postmodernity” files: One of the most popular bands on Google Trends right now is the Atlanta duo Dead Stays Alive, one-half of which “befriended” Lindsay Lohan while the two were in rehab. (Rumors that the two hooked up have been zinging around the gossipsphere; Lohan’s rep is, of course, calling those tales “mean.”) Tony Allen, the Dead Stays Alive member in question, has even been referred to as “famous” more than once, which I’m going to chalk up to people confusing him with the Tony Allen who played with Fela Kuti and The Good, The Bad, And The Queen, and not the fact that he was spilling his guts about Lindsay on Extra the other night.

There are two reasons for this. First off, any band that has to put out a press release letting people know that one of its members is, in fact, recovering with Lindsay Lohan is probably doing so out of desperation to actually get noticed, or at least pop up in Google News searches about the troubled starlet. (Not that the Aug. 25 release has helped all that much; so far, the band’s MySpace profile has only been viewed about 6,300 times.)

Second, the band is–and this may not surprise you much!–absolutely wretched. Imagine a world in which the evolution of music stopped after Orgy dropped its cover of “Blue Monday,” but somehow allowed Hinder to exist in some weird space-time warp, and you might get a vague idea of the craptasticness that is Dead Stays Alive. (They should not be confused with these guys in any way.) Listening to their blend of middle-of-the-road rock, lazy electro beats, and yarling made me reflect on the skilled musicianship and catchy songs that are sprinkled throughout Nickelback’s catalog.

Either way, this whole kerfuffle will probably get the guys some sort of record deal, perhaps even with the long-dormant Casablanca Records. After all, the music business is, as an old boss of mine would never hesitate to tell me, “all about relationships,” and what sort of relationship could be stronger than two people becoming friends in rehab, and one of them subsequently whoring that friendship out to the press for cheap publicity purposes?

Dead Stays Alive [MySpace]