Translating The TV Ad For Britney Spears’ New Album
“The legendary Miss Britney Spears” We’re guessing that you don’t remember that this phrase is actually part of “Gimme More,” since the ungrateful shits at MTV don’t play the video in full at any hour that isn’t ungodly. And we’ve given them so much over the years!
“The hit single ‘Gimme More'” It may be skidding down the charts, but it’s still sorta gaining at radio, y’all! (Actually, we’re surprised that they didn’t mention that “More” was Britney’s highest-charting single in years, but maybe they saw that as too desperate.)
“The new songs everybody’s talking about” Yes, we read Oh No They Didn’t.
“Today’s biggest star” And TMZ, too. And Perez Hilton. And … well, let’s just say that you really don’t want to read our Google News alerts. Because they make us cry every day.
“Rush-released” We’re pretty much expecting this record to tank, but our bean-counters decided that coming in on the charts behind the Eagles would be a lot less embarrassing than losing out to Celine Dion. (At least Blackout will sell more than that Backstreet Boys album … right? Right?)
“The new album the world has been waiting for” If we say it enough times, it’ll be true! And maybe then her success will inspire her to finally hire a driver.
Britney Spears Blackout Spot [YouTube]