Fake Fergie Sex Tape: Most Unappealing Fake Sex Tape Ever?

Nov 14th, 2007 // 30 Comments

77560143.jpgSo there’s a Fergie sex tape. Purportedly. We’re not gonna link it because it’s A.) clearly not her and B.) we care about you and most importantly C.) it’s something like No. 8 on Google Trends right now. But mainly because it’s not really her. Apparently any leathery woman drinking Moet from the bottle in a fedora is easily mistaken for Fergie? Before we watched this–it begins on the toilet–we assumed a fake Fergie sex tape would be the most unerotical, non-Scott Stapp/Kid Rock sex tape featuring a musician possible. Fake or real. But now we’re not so sure. Especially considering there are so many objectionable male musicians. So we polled the biggest celebrity sex tape obsessive we know to come up with this list.

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And no, “this kind of trash is beneath us” is not an acceptable write-in response. You clicked it!

  1. Ted Striker

    Pete Doherty?

  2. Dickdogfood


  3. Dickdogfood

    As for Celine, well…you know that she’d hire Anne Geddes to direct.

  4. Maura Johnston

    @dickdogfood: co-sign

  5. Camp Tiger Claw

    It would pretty painful to watch a naked Andrea Bocelli wandering around with his hands in front of his face trying to find the bed.

  6. Al Shipley

    haha I clicked on Ozzy having no idea that he’s in the lead.

  7. SomeSound-MostlyFury

    The Nuge

  8. Bob Loblaw

    That’s a hilariously unnecessary question mark in the title.

  9. Anonymous

    Henry Rollins.

  10. pissy elliott

    Courtney Love is the obvious answer here

  11. FionaScrapple

    Vince Neil…Ugh!

  12. Anonymous

    Two words: Meat Loaf.

  13. extracrispy

    @lastclearchance: WHA? Henry Rollins is sex on a stick! A heavily tatted stick with no neck… but sexy nonetheless.

  14. Anonymous

    @extracrispy: Well, obviously it has nothing to do with his physical appearance.

  15. Anonymous

    @lastclearchance: Er, “not much to do” would be more accurate.

  16. El Zilcho!

    I’d never want to see Lemmy.

  17. silkyjumbo

    @FionaScrapple: Did you see his (Vince Neil) sex tape? Boring. Actually, all celebrity sex tapes that I’ve seen are boring.

    (…um, because I worked in a porn store, that’s why.)

  18. dinosaur_senior

    James Blunt- because it’d be with himself and he’d be watching in the mirror.

  19. VoxPopuli

    Oh, it begins in the toilet? Well there’s the first clue it wasn’t Fergie – she never makes it to the toilet on time.

  20. Lucas Jensen

    Lenny Kravitz is my wife’s Do-Kill.

  21. baconfat

    i heard axl rose is pretty selfish in the sack.

  22. scarletvirtue

    Where’s the “all of the above” option? I’d rather not watch any of the listed having sex!!

  23. Poubelle

    Why does Lars Ulrich appear twice? I understand perfectly that you may really, really, really not want to see him in the act, but his votes are getting split!

  24. Sasquatch

    Fergie’s not that bad looking for a post-op.

  25. Anonymous

    Avril Lavigne – hands down.

  26. twenty-four hour priapism

    Um, Boy George?

  27. Wasp vs Stryper

    Um, wrong people, wrong. The correct answers would be Tad from Mudhoney and Joey Jordison from SlipKnot.

  28. Wasp vs Stryper

    Ugh, typo – I meant to write Tad from Tad – Mudhoney era.

  29. TheMojoPin

    I feel like I already saw a Lenny Kravitz sex tape with that fucking video for “All Of My Life,” or whatever that damn song was called. Dude is strutting around bare ass naked…Lenny, kudos on the abs and the hip bones, but don’t front like you just got out of the shower. You have all the hygenic ambiance of a hacky sack down the sewer. Then there’s a point later in the video where he’s fantasizing about boinking the creepily underage-looking waif waitress from the local dinner and we’re treated to a close up of Lenny and she sloppily waggling their tongues their together a la Jabba the Hutt. Truly horrendous.

  30. smackswell

    @LizK: ARE YOU KIDDING? Avril is totally bangable.

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