Artificially Intelligent Guitar Able To “Tune Itself,” Destroy Human Civilization

Nov 14th, 2007 // 14 Comments

terminator2.jpg Well, those meddling scientists at Gibson have finally done it, creating “an electric guitar that not only keeps itself in tune even after string changes but also allows players to access six nonstandard tunings at the push of a button.” And soon these autonomous guitars will replace students and professionals alike, possibly before coming together to instigate World War III, which will at least have a killer (and in-tune!) soundtrack.

Gibson says the robot guitar is aimed at amateurs who have a hard time keeping their guitars in tune, as well as professionals who now use technicians during concerts to keep about 100 guitars tuned to different keys.

“Professional guitar players use a lot of different tuning and people who listen to the stars wonder why they can’t reproduce the same sound themselves,” Juszkiewicz said.

Well, it is hard, remembering things. Like pornography passwords and multiplication tables and guitar tunings. Plus why should guitar techs be any different than people working on auto assembly or check-out lines? But not everyone looks forward to a future of evil musical instruments that think and act on their own accord.

“I’m sorry, this is just lazy. With stuff like this, tuning is going to be a lost skill,” wrote LettheBassPlay on the www.ultimate-guitar.com Web site forum.

Just lazy? Or deadly?

First Robot Guitar Tunes Itself [Reuters]

idolator

  1. Dickdogfood

    Good. They should work on Fergie’s voice next.

  2. beta.rogan

    I predict player pianos coming back in a big way.

  3. FionaScrapple

    @dickdogfood: She sings?!?

  4. Dickdogfood

    @FionaScrapple: Rumor has it she whistles, too.

  5. Ned Raggett

    @dickdogfood: Christ, now you have me imagining her doing GnR’s “Patience.”

  6. SuperUnison

    Surprisingly, this thing isn’t hideous.

  7. Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

    A Les Paul Studio that tunes itself, huh?

    How about I buy a nice strobe tuner and a guitar that doesn’t suck? ‘kay, thanks.

    This thing will go the way of the Parker Fly.

  8. beta.rogan

    @Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee:

    along with those hideous Floyd Rose “quick-change” guitars, hopefully.

  9. FionaScrapple

    @beta.rogan:

    Amen! What an abomination.

  10. JobCain

    “professionals who now use technicians during concerts to keep about 100 guitars tuned to different keys.”

    you know joe satriani is gonna be pissed if even one of those guitars is out of tune.

    it’s tasteful – because, you know – 101 would just be excessive

  11. pantsonfireliarliar

    @dickdogfood: They do! It’s called autotune. What they need is anti-leather-face but that’s not musically related.

    I can sorta see a need for pros to use this. But amateurs? Tuning a guitar is so incredibly easy, are they really that lazy and/or rich? Oh wait, I get it. This guitar goes right next to the $25k Harley Davidson in Dr. Richie Rich’s play room. So he can keep that whole illusion going.

  12. janine

    @Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: Strobe tuners?! Why aren’t you using a tuning fork? Do you even bother to compost your own feces?

    Also, doesn’t the Variax already let you do this? It doesn’t offend me so much. What if you want to switch from Blackbird to Pink Moon to Landslide to Wild Horses? If you waste time futzing around with alternate tunings, your co-ed might have time to put her bra back on…

  13. Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee

    @janine: I change tunings CONSTANTLY. In fact, I rarely play in the same tuning for consecutive songs. I go from standard to open C to open G to open D to various Hawaiian tunings…

    …and it takes me all of ten to fifteen seconds to get into a new tuning. Boom.

    Wait. Just how quickly CAN you put a bra back on?

    One more thing – Does Gibson recognize that this system will wreak absolute havoc on the guitar’s neck? I would assume they’d be smart enough to employ some newer materials (i.e. graphite and the like) to help lighten the load…

  14. Trackback

    So it’s come to this; Gibson has released a self-tuning guitar, which according to a Reuters report [via Idolator] is “aimed at amateurs who have a hard time keeping their guitars in tune, as well as professionals who now use technicians during concerts to keep about 100 guitars tuned…

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