Lily Allen, Take Two: Kate Nash Slips Into An Abandoned Pair Of Sneakers

Now that Lily Allen has lost about 20 pounds and traded in the sneakers (no, I will not call them trainers) for heels, who will be cute (“real-life cute”), spunky, catchy, relatable, over-hyped, and British for us? Who will weigh at least 120 pounds, wear quirky garments, and sing to us about boy trouble over laboriously-produced and highly infectious pop hooks? Ladies and gentlemen: Kate Nash.

When I first saw the video for Nash’s song “Foundations,” I felt uneasy.

My instincts were telling me that I liked the rhythm, the frantic piano looping in and out of the kicky drumbeat, the snide-but-vulnerable lyrics. But my automatic counter-instincts were sending up red flags. Something about Nash and her music was instantly unacceptable. And then I realized: the new Lily Allen was reporting for duty. I brought up the “Smile” video in another tab, and it was like watching two not-quite-identical twins sing “Row Row Row Your Boat” in an endless round.

The London music scene has been acutely aware of this phenomenon and served the Allen/Nash hydra a mean parody song back in April, mocking their vapidity and shameful upper-middle class backgrounds. But while these ladies are staples of the entitled London party and music scene, over here they’re just the next evolutionary step after Avril Lavigne, moving from a formulaic pop-rock sound to a slightly-less-formulaic indie pop sound and giving those girls who’ve grown out of Hot Topic and into Urban Outfitters something to listen to in the car all summer.

Key to their success–aside from sharp producers–is the overall look, and both Allen and Nash (but Nash in particular) reek of this tasteful, yet “edgy,” faux-vintage aesthetic. Take, for instance, this video for Nash’s song “Caroline’s a Victim,” directed by go-to auteur for the bourgeois London pop scene Kinga Burza, who is also responsible for that atrocious Calvin Harris video.

Honestly I wonder if they didn’t just shoot that in the home decor section of an Urban Outfitters. Also, this is the kind of song that earns resentment. Basic drum beat, synthesizers, and some vaguely nonsensical lyrics that you probably wrote to amuse your friends? I want to pull for you, Kate Nash–mostly because your name is Kate–but I am this close to skipping you altogether and moving onto the next next Lily Allen.