The Top Five Reasons Digg Is Completely Useless For Finding Anything Related To Music

According to people who spend their nights dreaming of million-pageview bounties, the social-news site Digg is very very important, thanks to its horde of users who can flood webservers with metric tons of traffic. But every time I look at its music page, a little part of me wants to die inside. For example: Can you guess what the top music story on the site is right now? Music For A Phone Keypad, which will let you know just what keys you need to press in order to dial “Mary Had A Little Lamb.” Yes, really. And let’s not even get into the inexplicable Michael Winslow love, the first clear sign to me that Digg is probably the worst place on the Internet to look for anything related to music. After the jump, five more examples of music-on-Digg “culture” to support my claim!

1. No matter what their age, the site’s users have the musical taste of 15-year-old boys. Really angry 15-year-old boys. If Trent Reznor farts in his hand and puts a recording of it on the Internet, you can bet it’ll be on the front page of Digg within an hour of its posting. And you can probably guess that these kids love Radiohead. And they hate dumb “corporate” pop music, like, a lot! Although if said corporate pop is by a hot chick, well, at least they can LOL about her boobs.

2. Dumb pop music by pretty girls who flatter them, however, is THE BEST THING EVAR.

3. Digg’s users may love music enough to click yellow buttons in support of it, but paying for it at all is totally just being a tool for the man. Not that I’m a big fan of the RIAA by any stretch, but those four letters represent some combination of Satan, Godzilla, and a reverse Robin Hood who steals from the poor in order to line Doug Morris’ crypt-like office with gold-plated money. And kill puppies. And they also represent anyone who ever said “hey, maybe we should think about paying for music once in a while,” because dudes, music is like water! And the music that they want to hear will just, well, get made, because it’s what they want to hear, and since when have a bunch of entitled adolescents not gotten what they wanted?

4. Also, DRM is totally bad too. And yet: Good luck getting any of the people who cheered the opening of Amazon’s MP3 store to actually pony up 89 cents for one of its wares!

5. To get back to the “perpetual 15-year-old” thing: Its users have worse senses of humor than your normal morning-zoo staff. “Crank That (Kosha Boy).” This guitar. Really, the whole thing with Michael Freakin’ Winslow (in music! because he makes noises with his mouth! get it?) should have been the red flag on this point.

Music [digg] Gotta Digg [YouTube]