Eminem’s Mom Thinks He’s Committing Chalupa-Assisted Suicide

em.jpgAny time an Eminem story gets posted to five blogs, his estranged mom Debbie pops up for a retort, Candyman/Beetlejuice-style. And so not a week after we reported that an increasingly rotund Marshall is currently recovering from a holiday hospital visit thanks to a serious case of pneumonia, Deb’s blabbing to the Brit tabloids, painting a greasy, acne-covered picture of her son’s current hermit-esque lifestyle that sounds a lot like… he’s a blogger, right down to all the Styrofoam containers and empty beer bottles he swears he’s gonna finally throw away tonight.

The deeply depressed star refuses to stop binge eating and gorges on calorie-busting Mexican takeaways and heart-clogging fillet steak.

In her new book Debbie, reckons her son is barely recognisable these days. She says: “He’s let his blond hair grow out so everything but the ends are dark. His face has broken out in pimples and he’s put on so much weight that he’s causing all sorts of other health problems for himself.

“Since childhood he’s suffered bouts of pneumonia. He’s always had throat infections and he’s asthmatic. His diet can’t help. I worry about his health all the time. He’s always had high blood pressure and his cholesterol levels must be sky high. He orders fillet steak takeout from an expensive restaurant almost every evening.

“I dread to think what his bills are — he pays for everyone hanging around the house.”

Someone get this guy a Boflex and 10cc’s of Proactiv, stat. Us too, while you’re at it.

The Real Grim Shady [The Sun]

  • Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    Guess he’s no longer “Slim” Shadey.

    Wocka Wocka.

    Give me those ribs, you.

  • SuperUnison

    He needs to do the honorable thing and switch to blow and cigarettes.

  • Roy Keane

    I expect his next album to be chock full of Famous Dave’s references

  • OingoBobo

    My heart says “oh noes!” while my head says “internet rumor trickery”.
    Team Marshall.

  • FionaScrapple

    Best news I’ve heard in a while!

  • rad_matter

    I still think after “Superman” Mariah Carey put a hex on his ass that still seems to be working to this day.

  • King of Pants

    Um, didn’t Eminem claim his mother had Munchausen-by-proxy syndrome?

  • Thierry

    All he needs to get back into shape are some steroids and HGH – maybe Mary J and 50 Cent can hook him up…

  • VanillaXtraDry

    when do we get to see new pictures of our fine, fat friend?

  • http://youtube.com/watch?v=RoWYTID8ILs Emory Hardage

    Hey does anyone know what the name of the theme song starting at 1:10 is?? I really like it!!