“American Idol” Trots Out Another Sexless Teenage Hopeful

Jan 24th, 2008 // 11 Comments

Last night’s episode of American Idol–set in Charleston, S.C.–was pretty dire overall, with an overabundance of crap singers who didn’t even have good gimmicks. (The worst had to be the couple who allegedly met on the Idol message boards, if only because their story of troo love sounded like a very awkward way to plug the Web site.) A good chunk of the show was devoted to the young lady above, a 16-year-old dance team captain named Amy Catherine Flynn who’s active in her school’s pro-abstinence group. (Because, you know, the whole preaching-abstinence thing worked so well for Britney Spears et al.)

Anyway, even though Simon is under the impression that she isn’t as good as she thinks she is–which seems to be his put-down of choice so far this season–according to some spoilers, Idol viewers are going to be seeing a lot of her over the coming months. She’s rumored to have made the top 24 along with Carly Hennessy, Michael Johns, and non-sex tape star Kristy Lee Cook. Could Amy be the next Jordin Sparks, another singer who got in everyone’s face about her lack of doin’ it? Does anyone else think, like Simon and me, that Flynn’s abstinence thing is going to go out the window the first time she gets in at Hyde or whatever Los Angeles club is admitting underage starlets these days? Is almost every female singer who’s made it through just a Christina Aguilera clone? Isn’t it weird that Christina Aguilera is so beloved by this young lady, given her whole “Dirrty” phase? So many questions!

THE WINNERS: Even though there were supposedly 23 Hollywood-bound singers, we didn’t get to see many of them last night. The true standouts, though, were Michelle and Jeffery Lampkin, a brother-sister duo who kind of nailed an R. Kelly/Celine Dion duet and who thus actually achieved the dual feat of being entertaining and pretty good. Too bad they apparently fade into the background once the show gets to California.

HARDEST-LUCK CONTESTANT: Between the running-on-empty “funny” contestants and the low supply of truly hardscrabble hopefuls, one has to wonder: Is American Idol feeling the writers’ strike’s toll as well? Last night’s episode had a woman whose father died three years ago after a long illness (she made it) and a guy whose wife went into labor during the auditons (he didn’t), but nothing else as far as backstory went. Zzzz.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 6.5 out of 10. She was a bit more drowsy than she was in San Diego, but not enough to give her a full point’s worth of out-of-itness because really, I was falling asleep by episode’s end.

Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives

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  1. Anonymous

    Jeffery Lampkin answers the age old question: just how would Cee-Lo act if he was possessed by the spirit of Luther Vandross.

  2. Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    This girl needs sXe tats all over her wrists.

  3. Jay-C

    Didn’t her no-sex speech remind you of the Miss South Carolina Iraq speech? What’s with the girls of SC?

  4. Anonymous

    Simon was so right about Ashley, I mean, Britney, I mean Amy Davis. I was annoyed with her after only five minutes and a couple of whiny, uninspired bars of “Reflections.”

  5. sicksteanein

    What is it about 16 year olds talking about abstinence that turns me on?

    Oh ya, everything.

  6. Chris N.

    The whole show really set South Carolina back a few more years. Pretty much no one came off very well (except that dude and his sister, who were all kinds of awesome).

    And why do people still argue with the judges? No means no, dammit! And it’s the other door!

  7. Fennessey

    All I could think when Amy Davis started chattering was “FUCK JUNO.”

  8. Anonymous

    @Jay-C: Have you ever been to South Carolina?

    I had figured that combining the average IQ of your average American Idol contestant with the average IQ of your average South Carolinian would create some sort of extreme endothermic reaction, kind of like when light meets the event horizon of a black hole.

    I guess I’ll just have to live with Amy Flynn in stead.

  9. dog door

    like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like

  10. ThreeBirds

    What? No mention of the fact that the guy whose wife into labour was allegedly names Oliver Highman? Say it out loud and then tell me that’s his real name.

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