Ireland Enters Turkey In Eurovision Song Contest, Idolators’ Grandparents Roll Over In Their Graves

Ireland, ancestral homeland of both of your Idolators, has decided on its entrant in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. (Eurovision being the annual extravaganza where every country on the planet, except for stuck-up isolationists the United States of America, selects a representatively kitschy pop tune to battle it out in front of a batshit huge television audience to be crowned the world’s cheesiest/best song, former winners including the illustrious Abba, Finnish Gwar jockers Lordi, and Ms. Celine Dion.) And that entrant is… a talking turkey puppet that kinda sounds like Paul Lynde shouting over Eurodisco. Yes, singing TV star Dustin The Turkey will attempt to win the votes of hundreds of millions of viewers when he takes the stage in the Serbian capital of Belgrade this May during the Eurovision finals, but those of us not up on our Irish puppetry might be asking: just who is this bird representing Ireland’s more than 4 million residents, not to mention all those expatriates around the world?

A turkey vulture with a thick north Dublin twang, he became a star of national broadcaster RTE’s The Den in 1990 alongside fellow television puppet stars Zig and Zag…

But he has always had a talent for warbling, having already released 14 singles and six albums.

His last album – Bling When You’re Minging – was released in 2005 and featured a duet with Chris De Burgh.

Ireland has had a poor Eurovision run in recent years, despite having won the contest a record seven times.

The country’s 2007 entry, Dervish, came last.

Dustin will be hoping to change all that in Belgrade.

Wait, a Turkey recording his sixth album and giving it a terrible hip-hop referencing title punning on a then-five-year-old Robbie Williams’ album, all while scoring a guest spot from soft rock titan Chris De Burgh? Are we 100 percent sure the KLF isn’t behind this? A quick Google search for “Dustin The Turkey” + “The KLF” only turns up a blog entry praising Dustin’s win, and nearly two decades of success in his homeland suggests the bird’s the real deal. But part of me still refuses to believe that when this turkey is eventually crowned the Eurovision winner, we won’t find a reunited Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond pulling the strings. So to speak.

Fowl Eurovision Entry For Ireland [BBC News]