Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger Gives Us One More Reason To Be Jealous

Christopher R. Weingarten / March 10, 2008

Everyone knows Nickelback sucks dicks. But did you know lead sensitivo-mook Chad Kroeger used to be able to suck his own dick? And would do it for little more than a case of warm Miller Lites? Hey, I’m cool with it as long as someone else doesn’t have to touch that thing. I bet it’s all curly and discolored and distended like that frilly noggin of his! With a beaded necklace and a guest spot from Billy Gibbons!

I put my own dick in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time. It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer.

I could sit here and tell you how Nickelback’s music already reminds me of dudes straining to self-pleasure themselves in front of an audience–hunched over, sweaty, flaccid, embarrassing. But I’d rather use my time to complain that there’s no version of UGK’s “I’m So Bad (I Can Suck My Own Dick)” on YouTube that I can link to.

Chad reveals saucy party trick [The Sun via our pal Reed Fischer]