Warped Tour To Bring Dozens of Horrifying Band Names To Your Town

Mar 26th, 2008 // 10 Comments

AP060630041741.jpgThree months till Warped, kids! This year’s roster is lead by inexplicable Idolator favorite Paramore, inexplicable somebody-somewhere favorite Gym Class Heroes, and explicable personal favorite Against Me! (Say yes to sociopolitical colon-blow with big hooks, America!) Along with these subgenre superstars and token old-schoolers like Pennywise, we’ve got bands like Automatic Loveletter, Charlotte Sometimes, Cinematic Sunrise, Confide, Danger Radio, Dr. Manhattan, Every Avenue, Fabulous Rudies, The Morning Light, Revolution Mother, St. Alvia Cartel, Shwayze, Sick City, Sky Eats Airplane, and Stick To Your Guns, all of whom probably hope to have their own Wikipedia pages by the end of August. After the break, a list of bands who (allegedly) played previous years and have failed to achieve this modern symbol of success.

Ackleys, Actuals, Agynst, AKAs, Animo, Another Damn Disappointment, As Seasons Fall, Bangkok Five, Black Out Pact, Break The Silence, Building A Better Spaceship, Burning Room, Calico Drive, Class of Zero, Code 4-15, The Campaign 1984, Chaplan, Cities Apart, Corrupted Youth, Crowned King, Day Two, Dark Sunrise, Deciding Tonight, Die Hunns, Dork, Double XL, Down To Earth Approach, Dynamite 8, Echo Value, Evaline, Everdae, Fallen Lie, A Farewell Sets Fire, Fear Nuttin Band, Feature Presentation, Fire Kills, Fist Full Of Knuckles, Forever In Effigy, Fuzz Jax, Glory Of This, Handgun Sonata, Happy Tragedy, Heart Of A Failure, A Heartwell Ending, Inamere, It’s Pouring On Our Head, Jay Tea, Just R Luck, Kincaide, L-10 Project, Last Car In Alaska, Lifeline, Listed M.I.A., Loko Phylum, Los Kung Fu Monkeys, A Loss For Words, Lovekill, Lux Courageous, Manic Hispanic, Manic Sewing Circle, MacKenzie First, Maple Street Impressions, Mercury Switch, Milk Carton Mug-Shots, Minutes Too Far, Modern Day 84, Monty’s Fan Club, Morgan and Me, Morgan Knockers, Mourningstar, Nadafinga, Near Miss, No Way Jose, Non Point, Nothington, OK Stranger, Outernational, Places To Park, Poopan, Post Bliss, Prevail Within, Promise Divine, Scotch Greens, Secret Broadcast, Septic Tank Disasters, Shiragirl, Side 67, Slavic Souls Party, Small Towns Burn A Little Slower, Sorry About Your Couch, Split Fifty, Starving Goliath, Stigma 13, Strap-On Tools, Stuckbackwards, Super Geek League, SWAK 13, Take The City, Ten Pound Strike, This Solemn Vow, Throw Rag, Throw The Fight, Tip The Van, Tomorrow’s Falling, Tony Danza Tap Extranvaganza, Translation, Vampire Dolphin Repellant, Variety Workshop, Verge Of Ruin, Wheels on the Bus, Wired, X-Ray Cat, Years Gone By

Nothing beats Shwayze, though.

Warped Tour [Official site]
[Photo: AP]


  1. Laurent Fignewton

    Does Pennywise still play ‘Bro-Hymn’?* If so, that’s reason enough to pay $whatever to sweat for eight hours in a parking lot with kids half your age with fauxhawks.

    *Gotta confess – I was listening to Pennywise while running this morning. Yeah, I know.

  2. Anonymous

    Calling Pennywise “old school” makes me feel old and I’m not even 30 yet!

  3. hndinglove

    The A.K.A.s: [en.wikipedia.org]

    are also awesome, still together and touring.

    The Lovekill doesn’t have a Wiki page, but band members do.

  4. Anonymous

    Agynst, who are a militant femynist/womyn rawk group, almost didn’t go on the tour because of the inclusion of Misogenist, who had to back out due conflicts with the Lyndon LaRouche presidential campaign.

  5. righteousmaelstrom

    My dream bill:

    The Scott Farkus Affair

  6. encyclopediablack

    I wish there was some sort of law to ban bands that have four words or more/complete sentences in their name. (i.e. Small Towns Burn Slower, Down To Earth Approach, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter)

  7. f1sh3r

    thanks for getting me excited about less than jake, only to drop me into the pits of dispair! argh!

  8. sharky

    To be 15 again. 15 with shitty taste in music.

  9. Dickdogfood

    Every generation finds a way to completely rewrite Robert Christgau’s “New Wave” list.

  10. MrStarhead

    Tony Danza Tap Extravaganza is a great band name. I don’t even care what they sound like (but it’s probably NOFX, let’s be honest).

Leave A Comment