Slash promises that Velvet Revolver will record a third album, with or (please please please) without Weiland. “We don’t know how or when but the core four guys will continue,” he was quoted as saying. It’s a heartwarming response to the bitchfits his estranged compatriot has been issuing to the world, as there’s no reason The Band Formerly Known As Guns N’ Roses should back a grating, obnoxious hack who can’t get his pipes around anything on Appetite For Destruction except “It’s So Easy,” making him more of a rock dodo than a rock dinosaur. But now that The Big Empty might be out of the picture, which grating, obnoxious hack (with more vocal range) should replace him?
1. Axl Rose
2. Any pop-metal singer that can still shriek
Sebastian Bach. Tom Kiefer. Taime Downe. Steve Whiteman. Ian Astbury. Vince Neil. Ronnie James Dio. Jack Russell. Melissa Etheridge. Just not that dude from Tesla. Did you see that Station Family Fund benefit? That voice is gone. Ouch. I’m talking “DuckTales, ooh-ooh.”
3. Rod Stewart
Velvet Revolver needs somebody who can sing. Rod Stewart needs someone who can get him off the “Great Clive Davis Songbook” train and back on a Faces trip. I used to say Rod The Mod should lead Audioslave (DID I BLOW YOUR MIND? GOOD.), but it looks like that band has got its Rage on again, so seize the opportunity to work with a legend, Slash. Duff. Matt. The guy with the skullcap.
4. Courtney Love
Think of the publicity!
5. Kelly Clarkson
Failing this, they could always call up Amanda Overmeyer. Doubt she’s busy.
Slash: ‘Velvet Revolver might continue without Scott Weiland’ [NME