Madonna Dispenses Bits Of “Candy,” And They Kinda Suck

Apr 15th, 2008 // 16 Comments

bcnmadonna.jpgARTIST: Madonna
TITLE: Hard Candy (snippets)
WEB DEBUT: April 15, 2008

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: It’s hard to tell whether or not Madonna’s contract-killing album with Warner will be as satisfying a dance-pop record as Blackout (which, Britney personal drama aside, is the best example of the genre in a while), but the bits and pieces of choruses strung together in the name of whetting appetites isn’t exactly inspiring. Listen for yourself while you still can, and see if you agree with me that the only tracks that’ll sound good coming out of your personal summertime radio are the last one and the one right after “Candy Shop” that uses the dirty “James Brown Is Dead”-style keyboards:

Madonna – Hard Candy snippets [YouTube via ONTD]

  1. Tenno

    I can’t, I just can’t Maura. I’m listening to ‘Junior Senior’ and listening to Madonna would make it strictly ‘Senior.’ And well….. I love you, truly, but just one taste of that hard candy made me sick. It’s tasteless and sugar-free. Or sugar-heavy…. either way. NAY!

    I agree with the consensus that she should be allowed to do some more dark, musing stuff, less pop, more… uh darkwave, i dunno.

  2. Al Shipley

    There’s really something about both her voice and Janet’s voice that sounds terrible over of-the-moment 2008 production, I just can’t stand anything from either of these records.

  3. Al Shipley

    @fudgester: That’s an insult to “Holiday” and “Borderline.”

  4. Clevertrousers

    Meh… Is Madge a member of AARP yet?

  5. spazandmojo

    @kisskisskiss: that was a stroke of English genius that was…

  6. nonce

    Why hasn’t Madge discovered Goldfrapp yet? This current thing has “will be unrepresented on upcoming greatest-hits package” all over it.

  7. Nunya B

    @nonce: Where were you when Confessions on a Dance Floor came out and the British tabloids started calling her “Oldfrapp”?

  8. Dick Laurent is dead.

    Is it Sour Lemon? I’ll bet a fiver on it.

  9. thumper

    i think its gonna be hot as hell – can’t wait for the whole thing – @kisskisskiss – i remember oldfrapp lolol

  10. Anonymous

    I suspect public reaction will be very similar to Janet’s last record.

    A perfectly decent pop record from a camp that hasn’t really produced relevant music since 2001, but does anybody even care anymore??

  11. dreamsneverend

    Meh.. the Timbaland production sound is getting stale at this point.

  12. punkybunky

    @fudgester: That’s because “4 Minutes” sounds exactly like a mash-up between “Holiday” and Timberland’s “Give It To Me.”

  13. Anonymous

    What impresses me about those clips is that Madonna has actuallyy managed to show zero musical progression in 25 years. Seriously, some of those could sit alongside Holiday and Borderline.

  14. rad_matter

    Anything that Idolator hates, Rolling Stone‘ll slap four stars on it: []

    Why: Madonna’s an “icon;” therefore everything she does is classic. Take it as you will.

  15. Jay-C

    Yes…that “Give It To Me” one is good…But the best news about a new Madge album is that I can finally afford to see her in concert if she tours…

  16. Nunya B

    I think Kylie’s X is a lot better than Blackout (except “Toy Soldier” and “Freakshow” and “Piece of Me”, but then Blackout has a lot of duds on it). So is Roisin Murphy’s Overpowered, and of course the Robyn album is better, and then Sophie Ellis-Bextor… point being, Blackout, while good, is not so much the pinnacle of contemporary dance-pop.

    To stay on topic, though, it seems to me based on those clips that Hard Candy is not exactly going to reach even the far-from-dizzying heights of the low points on Blackout.

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