Norwegian Crotch-Grabbers, Hungarian Gangsters, Pony Pop, Nerdy Rap, And A Delicious Beef Stroganoff Recipe

Each week, dozens of songs and albums from up-and-coming (or just plain unknown) bands debut on the pop charts. Some of these bands will never be heard from again; some may become the next little thing. That’s why every two weeks Chuck Eddy will be exploring the world beyond the Billboard 200, where he’ll look for diamonds in the MySpace rough. This week, his roster of up-and-comers includes a bleep-happy Norwegian rapper, the self-proclaimed godfather of Hungarian gangsta music, a grouchy Californian MC, and a band that has already branched into food-related merchandising.

MANSHOW Okay, this is confusing. “Dorthe-Rap” by Manshow supposedly entered Norway’s Digital Songs countdown at No. 10 last week, but what the videos below make clear is that “Manshow” is a program on Norwegian TV, and “Dorthe-Rap” means a rap by “Dorthe Skappel, rapper,” who has long blond hair, a “rock’n’roll” tattoo on her arm, a posse that ineptly attempts scary “hip-hop moves” behind her, a baseball bat with which she terrorizes a wall of VIPs’ photos, and a crotch that she grabs right when some Norwegian swear word gets bleeped–even though her English swear words repeatedly don’t, and neither does the part where she clearly yells “drive-by shooting” while one of her posse pals fires off a round. The actual name of the song appears to be “Fuck TV 2,” the station that apparently airs The Man Show. Adjust the bass and let the Alpine blast.

DOPEMAN “The godfather of Hungarian gangsta music” entered Hungary’s album chart at Numero Uno last week with Az Eredeti Gengszter, and on his MySpace page he raps in at least two languages. His Hungarian “A StriciTanc”–which suggests a cross between Eugene Hutz and Falco rhyming amid movie soundtrack orchestrations and a rock guitar solo and women moaning lustfully in the background–sounds considerably more original than his English “Streetz of Rage,” where he brags about stacking cheese. “Born and raised in the 8th District of Budapest (the G.E.T.O.),” he’s bald, he’s got several gold records, and he enjoys jazz, N.W.A., and weightlifting. His video also includes naked breasts.

Dopeman [MySpace]

SOMEONE STILL LOVES YOU BORIS YELTSIN At least three other bands on MySpace are named Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin (indie/experimental/bluegrass from Yugoslavia, death metal from Mission Viejo, indie from San Jose), though it’s possible those are joke pages. The real one, apparently–the one whose Pershing is this week’s No. 39 Heatseeker–consists of three dime-and-dozen pocket-protector indie “pop”-playing twerps from Springfield, Mo. “Influences: pony and moody. Sounds like: pony and moody.” Best MySpace comment: “The Johnny Apple-Weed Revolution asks that you no longer throw your seeds from your old bags in your ash-trays or garbage cans, instead, the Johnny Apple-Weed Revolution recommends that you begin to randomly plant your seeds in random places throughout your town or city and surrounding areas. Don’t be noticed, just be casual! Don’t monitor their growth, let Mother Nature take control! Spring time is here, so now is the time! If we all start planting our seeds randomly now, they will be ready for harvest by October and will be readily available for FREE !” Second best comment comes from band fan Lauryl: “So, just read the review on pitchfork. Ian Cohen is a schmo.” And maybe he is. But if the songs on their MySpace are any indication, the 6.2 Ian gave them makes him a generous schmo, at least.

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin [MySpace]

THE GROUCH This beatmaking-turned-rapping associate of Oakland’s veteran undie Zion 1 crew has a nerdy flow perched somewhere between Slug and Cowboy Troy, and also does not reside in a trash can. Instead, he brags in one song, he’s “got a laid back style but I like to floss it/Vans and tux inside my closet,” plus his wife has “an L.A. face and a Oakland booty”: Sir Mix-a-Lot nostalgia, about time. In the potential novelty hit that serves as his anti-backpack mission statement, Mr. Grouch complains that those listening might erroneously think they’re “artier” than him for the following reasons: “’cause you got sideburns and a vintage T,” “cause you chop up breaks and you dig in the crates,” “’cause you speak real soft and drink chai tea,” “’cause you drive a hybrid and carpool with three,” “’cause you shop at Whole Foods in open-toe shoes,” and best of all, ’cause “you just a trendy lesbian dreadlock thespian.” And oh yeah, a vegan, too. Here’s his pitch on YouTube: “Help to spread the ARTSY movement. To bask in the full ARTSYNESS of ARTSY please buy high res video from Itunes.” Strangely, I find all of this more amusing than annoying. The Grouch–whose Show You The World entered Heatseekers at No. 31 this week–seems friendly enough, not really grouchy at all. He says he’s not weird, he’s honest. And he also apparently has a song about yard work. Who was the last rapper with one of those, Kid Rock?

The Grouch [MySpace]

EL CHIVO Slow, insistent Spanish-language rapping and singing by an artist from Milwaukee, of all places, with an eerie vibrato chorus that catches some of the gothic Catholic feel of ’90s Mexican rock. His Cicatrices entered the Top Latin Albums chart at No. 34 last week, and this week tumbles to 85 from 49 on the Heatseekers tally. In one photo on El Chivo’s MySpace page, he’s lighting a tall candle with the Virgin Mary on it; in another, he’s got a pitbull. The video for “Si Se Puede” opens with some gringo fat-ass wearing a “Deport Pedro” T-shirt, standing at a podium ranting about immigrants invading the country, taking away jobs; another fat-ass in the audience has a shirt with “Speak English” on it. Looks like a union meeting: blue-collar guys getting bitter, clinging to antipathy to people who aren’t like them. Then the Hispanic janitor knocks on the door, so he can mop up. Then women and children walk up a tall staircase, Escher-style. Then street scenes: cars with “America for Americans” bumper stickers, kids with “Born in the U.S.A.: Don’t take my mommy and daddy away” T-shirts. Then, according to the English subtitled version on youtube, lyrics about families being torn apart. Chorus translates as: “For one cause, and the same reason, altogether yes we can!” And yeah: Obama’s folks are taking the song to heart, while racist know-nothings post asinine YouTube comments.

El Chivo [MySpace]

TOO SLIM AND THE TAIL DRAGGERS “Whiskey blues with a Southern rock beer chaser”; yeah, I’m totally the target demographic for this one. But with that description, not to mention the cowboy hat and the quite dapper and multiflowered cowboy shirt that I am hereby envious of, I gotta say it’s a surprise these well-fed Seattlites’ The Fortune Teller re-entered at No. 15 on the Blues Album chart last week rather than the lower reaches of the country charts, which are fairly accommodating to Southern rock these days. “Tim ‘Too Slim’ Langford and his band fall into whatever category a combination of Tom Petty, Creedence and ZZ Top would create,” they tell us; well, usually these days that category calls itself “country.” They even have the obligatory c&w imperialist-vacation-in-Mexico song! First MySpace selection, “The Fortune Teller,” is a clue as to why they don’t chart country, though; the singer (Too Slim I guess) (who is really not all that slim, as far as I can see) has a merely competent voice–gruff in a limited way–and the song drags its tail more than Flynnville Train or Montgomery Gentry tend to. YouTube videos show the band as a trio, but their MySpace suggests they only have two guys now. Second song starts out better, swiping a raunch riff and some wobbly funk from ZZ Top’s “Just Got Paid,” though the vocals still aren’t quite there. “I’m way past 30 and I’m gettin’ tired/I got nothin’ to show for my ramblin’ life/But a few grey hairs and a achin’ liver,” Too Slim tells us in “Cowboy Boot.” Better guitars than melodies, across the board, but fuck it, I still like these guys. You wouldn’t, probably, but what the hell do you know? The gigs they’re playing in 2008 have by far the best names of any Next Little Things band yet: The Wild Buffalo House of Music, Jazzbones, Zoo Bar, Omaha Blues Cruise, The Slippery Noodle, Jacksons Sports Bar and Grill, Sunbanks Motorcycle Rally, Washington Brewers Festival, Barley Bash, Antlers Pub, Pig Out in the Park, Majalaki Golf Club, The Recycling Foundation Annual Fund Raising Halloween Party… not to mention the all-important Private Event. And they market their own marinade (“a savory blend of subtle mouthwatering spices”) and include what looks like an excellent beef stroganoff recipe on the sauce’s Web page. (Special ingredient: Nutmeg!)

Too Slim And The Tail Draggers [MySpace]

THE WOOD BROTHERS More blues, supposedly, but not the stroganoff kind. The Wood Brothers are Oliver Wood and Chris Wood, based in “Atlanta to NYC.” One fan hears Van Morrison in their voices, which isn’t nuts if you listen for it, but I’m hearing more Jackson Browne. Their Loaded album, not to be confused with the Velvet Underground, entered the Heatseekers chart at No. 29 last week and slips to No. 70 a week later. They play cafes and music halls, not sports bars and bike rallies. They’re backed by Blue Note and boosted by NPR and bolstered by Bonnaroo. One look at the polite testimonials on MySpace demonstrates that they appeal to mature, discerning audiences who care about real music. And stuff.

The Wood Brothers [MySpace]