A JoBromance Kicks Out The Jams

Apr 17th, 2008 // 5 Comments

jobro8.png Having taken a cruise by plane to Hawaii, the gang is all set for tropical-flavored drama emogurl810 style, a.k.a. lots and lots of vapid dialogue, and, in the case of this episode, an original song!

Emily: dont bring ur hopes up with Joe, he’s mine.
Alexis: dont worry, i wont.
Ada: Alexis, what are you talking about? Alexis: u know what?, forget it Ada…I’m gonna go unpack in our hotel room… Miley: I’m coming with you!
*they leave*
Kevin: whats up with them?
Lorelai: no idea…
Hailey: hey guys! lest go swimming!
JB: sure, we’ll be back…
*with Miley and Alexis*
Miley: so whats up? i heard everything that Emily had to say..
Alexis: *angry tone* nothings up, OK? im just confused…
Miley: okay…change topic…*sees Alexis’ guitar* you play guitar?
Alexis: yeah…i write my own songs too…
Miley: can i hear?
Alexis: sure.
Nick:*was about to go in when he hears Alexis play the guitar and decides to hide in the closet*
Alexis: *singing and playing the guitar* *AN: my OWN songs*
hey you, my life is goin great
im not sure i wanna change
is it fair for me to leave you?
or is it too much for you to bear?

i just wanna live a normal life
with no one to stop me
no one to hold on to my dreams
will you be in my future?
i guess not, coz ur here without me

my life is goin short
i dont wanna stay here
waitin’ for you all of my life
just make one decision coz im fine
oh, yeah

i just wanna live a normal life
with no one to stop me
no one to hold on to my dreams…
Miley: OMG! that was awesome! why didnt you just put it in a cd and be famous? Alexis: i just wanna live normally but i guess my life isnt normal at all
Miley: yeah! you get to date a Jonas. Alexis: and i get to fight with a Jonas’ ex-girlfriend
Miley: oh..yeah…Emily…
Alexis: yeah…she told me to stay away from Joe but he truth is i dont really like Joe…i like Nick…
Nick:*thinks* YAY! SHE LIKES ME! oh…better get out of this closet fast so i could escape *Nick goes out*
Alexis: i thought i just heard something or someone go out…
Miley: maybe a mouse?
Alexis: probably…
Miley: come on…lets take a swim in the ocean…
Alexis: sure!
*they get dressed and they go out* Alexis: OMG! i’ve missed you ______!

OMJ!!!!!!!! who’s the guy or girl? WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL JEMILY EVER HAPPEN? WILL NICK CONFESS HIS TRUE FEELINGS? even i dont know the answers to those questions…LOL

“OMJ!” is now the official inside joke for all six JoBromance readers. I’ll start: OMJ! Emily continues to exist as a one-dimensional plot device! And as such she is rapidly dismissed from the scene in favor of Alexis’ song, which seems to have been written by a machine that randomly selects lines from the most generic Top 40 pop hits and assembles them into a Radio Disney-friendly mystery loaf. Except for the line “My life is goin’ short,” which maintains the trademark emogurl810 inappropriate verb usage. Miley’s reaction to the song is also a classic element of the emogurl810 canon–breezy misunderstanding of how life actually works: “why didnt you just put it in a cd and be famous?” It’s as if Alexis forgot to do something mundane like set the VCR to record Hannah Montana while she was out of the house, rather than neglecting to get a record deal.

It’s a mercifully short episode, so there’s not much else to say, really. Shall we ponder a moment the unintentional Nick-Jonas-is-in-the-closet joke? Yes, let’s. For whatever reason, emogurl810′s linguistic limitations always seem to manifest themselves as sex jokes. This could mean a number of things, but in the spirit of generosity I’ll just assume she’s extraordinarily clueless. Furthermore, she seems to be slacking on the cliffhanger here. “I missed you [blank]!” does not inspire me to read on. I think she should have taken the scene out into the ocean and left us hanging with a potential shark attack, as in “*Kevin feels something hold his foot* WHAT’S HOLDING KEVINS FOOT? IS IT ALEXIS? A NURSE SHARK? OR IS IT JAWS? WILL EMILY STEAL THE SHARK FROM KEVIN?” Or something along those lines.

  1. Anonymous

    Kate, I am going to need some sort of flow chart soon to follow these romantic dalliances.

  2. Kate Richardson

    @whoneedslight: Don’t tempt me.

  3. ObtuseIntolerant

    @Kate Richardson: Do it!

  4. Janelleyo

    Oh a chart would be wonderful. BTW, its 8 readers, there are 2 of us in my office that are obsessed with your commentary. Although, I had never really thought much about the Jonas Brothers and now I have dreams including them. That can’t be right.

  5. Kate Richardson

    @Janelleyo: I had a dream the other night that the oldest Jonas and I were in love! This shit goes deep, man.

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