Your R. Kelly Juror Selection Update

May 13th, 2008 // 5 Comments

protestingrkellyseemslikeawasteoftime.jpgThe R. Kelly trial is slowly trickling into being, with the first day of jury selection taking place yesterday. The trial needs 16 jurors in total, and so far, three have been picked!

The jurors who will be subjected to a number of Sexfacts previously inconceivable:

- An African-American woman whose husband is a Baptist pastor, and who lives in the same Chicago suburb as Kells.
- An African-American man who was only familiar with “I Believe I Can Fly”, and dislikes seeing pornography behind the counter at 7-Eleven.
- The white “vice president of national accounts for an unnamed company” who believes Kelly is guilty, but who also believes he can provide him a fair trial.

Sadly, the woman who described Kelly as “a musical genius” and “the pied piper” was not selected; nor was a gentleman of advanced age who stated that “My son says nature already provided an age of consent–puberty. It made sense to me.” With those sort of standards, how are they ever going to find 16 people to fill that jury box?

In case this trial never actually happens, there’s always the festivities as imagined on TV’s The Boondocks.

3 Kelly jurors picked 1st day [Chicago Sun-Times]

  1. Chris Molanphy

    “What the hell is wrong with you people? Every famous n***a that gets arrested is not Nelson Mandela!”

    Lulz. Love that episode.

  2. NeverEnough

    Do those two seriously have nothing better to do than stand outside like assholes holding signs?

  3. Barry White Stripes, Office LW

    @NeverEnough: The one on the left seems to be giving him props. Not so much for the one on the right.

    Boondocks is great. Best quote from that show: “Nothing typed by someone’s thumbs has ever been important.” Followed by, “I sent that B!tch a smiley. B!tches love smileys!”

  4. neworiginals

    “Great” meaning “large” or “immense” /
    We use it in the pejorative sense

  5. garbageday

    It’s sad to see Big Daddy Kane (on the right) reduced to mere sign-holder.

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