The R. Kelly Trial Is Going To Be As Weird As You Imagined

May 20th, 2008 // 12 Comments

yeshestillhasloyalfans.jpgLast week’s jury selection was a nice appetizer for the buffet of weird that the R. Kelly trial will be, but judging by the opening arguments that kicked off the real action today, there’s much to look forward to in the upcoming weeks.

Apparently, the guy in the famous R. Kelly sex tape video? According to the defense, it’s not actually R. Kelly. The girl in the video? A prostitute. Who knew? The prosecution, somewhat predictably, disagrees, stating that “everything [in the clip] was written, directed and choreographed by Robert Kelly [including] the angle [and] the lighting.” Despite the protests of the defense, the video itself was shown to the jury following the opening arguments on a six-foot-wide screen, with the Chicago Sun-Times reporting that R. “wore a deep frown, with two dark furrows between his eyebrows, occasionally putting his finger to his lips and resting his head on his left hand while the tape played.”

The tape itself will obviously be the focus point of the trial, especially considering the woman alleged to be Kelly’s partner in the video will not be testifying. To my personal delight, Sun-Times rock critic Jim DeRogatis has been subpoenaed, which should make for a fascinating recap in the paper the following day.

Is the wood-paneled room seen in the video Kelly’s former basement? Will the absence of a tell-tale back mole on the tape turn the tide for the defense? Will DeRogatis drop a quick review of the new Fleet Foxes disc into his testimony? There are so many questions left unanswered.

R Kelly opening arguments start; juror dismissed [Chicago Sun-Times]


  1. Jasonbob7

    One more reason I hate Dave Chappelle for canceling his own show. Can you imagine what his brilliant satirical mind could do with this material? (to be honest, I feel the same about most of the events of the past few years)

  2. Anonymous

    I can’t wait to see what they want from Dero.

  3. Our Man In Chicago

    DeRo was the one who received the tape in the first place, which led to the report in the Sun-Times, which broke the story.

  4. Chris Molanphy

    @Jasonbob7: Except he and Aaron “Boondocks” MacGruder have already parodied the R. Kelly circus, to hilarious effect. I wouldn’t want them to parody the actual event now — what they’ve already produced is so imaginative and hilarious, adhering to reality would only dull it.

    @Dan Gibson: Will DeRogatis drop a quick review of the new Fleet Foxes disc into his testimony?

    On the patented Sound Opinions “Buy It, Burn It, Trash It” scale, I preemptively rate DeRo’s testimony “Burn It,” cherry-picking only the snarky parts.

  5. Tauwan

    No, not just as “weird as you imagined”, but just as real and out of control as Aaron McGruder imagined it would be in that episode of The Boondocks:



  6. Tauwan

    @Chris Molanphy:

    Word. My momma needs to give me my damn Boondocks dvd set back stat. Real talk.

  7. Silverfuture

    Whoa. Apparently the judge wants to ask DeRo if he made a copy off the tape before handing it over to the police. No one ever asked him. Plus, if he does have a copy, he might be on the hook for some charges as a reporters First Amendment rights probably don’t extend to child porn according to the judge.

  8. Silverfuture

    My comma key doesn’t work obviously.

  9. Anonymous

    It’s interesting so many people can find fascination in something that has fucked up a lot of people’s lives. Hopefully DeRo will report the facts. Any humor or anticipation you eagerly await in that is truly sad. It’s life and the only thing that should be expected is the truth.

  10. blobby

    Has it, tho? I mean, we can all agree that this is some fucked up shit, but has it ruined lives? I’m not saying that it hasn’t, but I haven’t heard anything about the (“alleged”, but let’s not kid ourselves) victim– was she in fact traumatized by being peed on by R. Kelly? I mean, I would be, but who knows?

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